Butchering the English Language

The English language...ahhh....the beauty of the medium of our communication; a language that we use on a daily basis. Lately though, I am discovering words in the English language that have been butchered in our daily communication that has made me laugh sometimes (with the speaker questioning why I find what they have said incredible and funny). For all readers, please note that I am not talking about Singlish or criticizing such but I am referring to actual daily English used on a regular basis.

When I arrived in Singapore in 2005 from North America, I was surprised by some words that were used because such words were never used to describe the actions in North America and would have been laughed at. Below is a summary of the words (italicized words are the interesting words):

1. "I shall check with my boss and revert to you....."
2. "XXX has been convicted of drink driving and sentenced to...."
3. "Irregardless of this matter, you should not do the following...."

The above is just a sample of the "interesting" usage of the English language that I have discovered. So what's wrong with each of them? Let me explain....

1. With regards to item (1), I am sure that many have seen and used the word "revert" on a daily basis in emails and text messages. Nothing wrong you say...but wait a minute. "Revert" in the English dictionary actually means "to return to an original state" and used mainly to explain returning to an original form. In the example of item (1) then, my question then is what original state would the speaker be returning to after speaking with the boss? This is extremely hilarious because I want the speaker to get back to me with an answer and not go into some original state (liquid, gas, solid). The use of this word is definitely hilarious because it carries a different meaning from the intended purpose.
2. Drink Driving: What's wrong with this phrase you ask? It is used by the papers, local government officials, newspapers etc...therefore, it must be correct! Wrong!! By analyzing the words "drink driving" to indicate someone who is drunk and driving is completely off the mark as to what we want to portray. By analyzing the words "drink driving", we realize it is actually derived from combining drinking and driving. Now, think carefully about this...is drinking and driving actually an offense or is being drunk and driving the true offense? I believe it is the latter. Drinking and driving is not per se an offense (although I do not encourage this!) unless the driver is drunk. The law in Singapore stipulates that to be deemed legally drunk, the person must have a blood alcohol content above 0.08. As such, to drink and drive is not legally wrong because one glass of wine does not make my blood alcohol rise above the limit. Therefore, there is nothing wrong with drink driving but the offense should be drunk driving because the offender is drunk and driving, not drinking and driving!
3. Irregardless: This word should be obvious why it is problematic...basically, the word irregardless is a double negative and no such word exists! There is only regardless as a word. However, I constantly hear people using this word but have never understood how one could arrive at this word since it's non-existent.

I have written the above not to criticize but to allow a better understanding for all who speak the English language. Wrong usage of words can bring about laughs and sometimes misunderstandings. Even though I understand that people here in Singapore may understand the meanings of the words as it is used daily but do spare a thought for the foreigners (which are rising in numbers), and the tourists who have no clue what you are talking about. Also, please note that the use of such words in a foreign country may contribute to serious misunderstandings about Singaporean culture or views because people may think that Singapore prohibits people from having a drink before they drive (as an example).

These are just some of my thoughts...please do contribute if anyone out there has heard of additional "interesting" use of the English language locally in Singapore. Anyway, these words have intrigued me for several years and I am now finally able to share....

Jealous people at work and getting praise

On every job, we will always came across people who are jealous of us. I have friends who told me they work hard and get things done but their efforts are not being paid off or recognised. Perhaps it is their boss or someone else in their company that hinder their success or even having a "stable" job.

You are good at what you do because you put the time into your job to make something happen.

Co-worker may be jealous of us because we give our company more business, a pay raise or promotion. The good news is, if we have someone that is jealous of us at work, then we know that we are doing the right thing. The fact is, people can only be jealous of us if we do the right thing most of the time and if we are good at what we do.

Jealous colleagues at work may look us with an evil eye or just act nasty when we go around them (That's why sometimes my friends complaint why this it so). Well, this is very common in today's society. Some people just want to act like they know everything and that they are the ones that show happiness to the whole world. These people got to look themselves in the mirror and figure out why they are not as good as they think.

Jealousy is sparked by someone that feels as though they are beneath us simply do not see them as good as us. Jealous could usually sparked when someone doesn't get their own way or when they do not get recognized by others who are around them.

Jealous people want everyone to look at them with the same respect that they give to us. However, respect is given with time and with knowledge.

But, sometimes life is just sad. Because it could be happen the other way round where you could do well for the company by bringing in business for them but they refused to recognise your success. Perhaps, the boss wants to get away with a pay raise or incentives..

Best is to remain humble, but not to the point where our own contributions are unrecognized. Worst, don’t appear fragile and weak.

Some crazy ideas that may work:
Sometimes people take things for granted simply because they’ve always reliably gotten done. Well, as human where memory is short, we have to remind our boss that it’s us doing them and pray that he remember the effort involved and be properly appreciated.

We have our customers who love us. Next time one of them drops an e-mail or note thanking us, make sure a copy goes to the boss.

The annoying thing can also be that Boss sometimes sees the "problem" areas but overlooks the great and compliments were all but brushed off. I guess being thick-skin helps. Example if we sucessfully clinch in a business for the company and the boss just thanked me, and that was that. I would say, “Aren’t you going to anounce it?”

Sometimes we just want to ask for a pat on the back. Strangely, it do feel good!

Taste like tears

Somebody told me about a spectacular event that he went for and was very impressed with what the speaker said. The speaker is a medical doctor who decided to go to the rural site of China to offer his medical help for the people there (Some people may knew about this true life story if they had went for the event). He has been at the site for many years and coming back to Singapore once every fortnight.

The doctor said that over there, they are always in need of hydration packs and he learnt how to make the packs there. The ingredients to make are: water, sugar and salt. One day, some young medical doctors came to join his camp. The doctor asked them to make hydration packs as it was running low. The young medical doctors have not done this before and asked him, "How do you know how much to add the water, sugar and salt?"

The doctor said to them, " The solution when you mix it, taste like tears."
The young medical doctors asked, " And how does tears taste like?"
The place that they are in, are so poor and filled with sickness, infection and hardships...who have not cried and tasted their own tears?

This doctor who has a young daughter was also sometimes brought with him to the camp. One day, they came back to Singapore and her grandmother decided to cook green beans as one of the dishes. The grandmother asked the little girl to prepare the green beans by picking out the "deformed" beans and throwing them away. The little girl thought for a while and said, "but they can still be eaten right?"
The grandmother said, "no, just throw them away."

The little girl paced back and forth holding all the "deformed" beans and then showed it to his father. His father comforted her and said, " well, grandma's cooking, we have to listen to what she say."
But the liitle girl asked, " If we take the seeds from this beans and plant it, will the beans grow to become "deformed" again?"

The father is shock yet impressed and proud of her daughter. The answer is "no".

When I asked my friend whether the people attending the event knew what the speaker (doctor) was trying to say. My friend told me it is very unlikely that they will understand the messages because he said the look on the people's face - just lack interest.

Property Speculation & Taxes

I was reading with interest the ongoing debate regarding the proposed IRAS legislation with regards to property/real estate transactions that is going into effect January 2010. Basically, the proposed legislation lays out (in effect) that if a person were to have transacted or sold more than 1 property in the prior 4 years, any subsequent transaction is subject to taxation. So why is this interesting, you ask? Simple...the legislation itself is not very sexy but the public reaction though is one brings interest to me, especially as a foreigner from North America.

In essence, the public sentiment in Singapore is one that is divided into 2 camps. On one side (in the red corner) are the supporters of the legislation who applaud the move as they view that such legislation could reduce the speculation and stabilize/provide purchasing opportunities for genuine purchasers who are buying the property to stay in. In the Blue corner though, we find the opposers of the legislation who have voiced concerns noting that the legislation is not clear and would damage the recovering property market in Singapore, i.e. noting that it would reduce the number of property transactions which contributes to the economy. Members of the blue corner though seem to suggest that there must be clarity in the law as they do not understand what would be considered a speculator and subject to taxes. Interesting arguments put forth by both sides though. Let's take a closer look....

As a quick background to my discussion, I shall clarify that my comparison is based on my experience as a lawyer in North America (Canada & US) and is only my personal opinion. In North America, we have an interesting provision with regards to property. One of the key features is Capital Gains taxation. Basically, the provision states that any property that is sold by the seller and not a primary residence (i.e. the seller does not stay there on a regular basis) is subject to Capital Gains tax upon sale. In the US though, some states provide a cap on the maximum appreciation that a seller can have tax-free which means that even if the residence were a primary residence, a gain above a certain exempt amount is subject to taxation. Also, in both North American countries, provisions are made for tax deductions for interest in order to encourage home ownership; in the US, the interest paid on the mortgage for the primary residence is tax deductible, and in Canada, the interest on the mortgage for property other than the primary residence is tax deductible. Both countries though define earned income for taxation purposes as income derived from any means which includes legitimate and illegitimate purposes; simply put, this includes rental income from property etc.

So why is this background important? Essentially, I do not understand the hoo-hah raised by the people who oppose the IRAS legislation (except that they are afraid that their precious gains are subject to tax). Basically, opposers of the legislation who claim that the legislation is unclear as to who is a speculator should stop being babies about it and stop whining about what they have done. Common sense states that if you are buying a property for purposes other than to be your primary residence, you are speculating to an extent. Why? Simple. How many houses does one need in Singapore? Singapore is basically 42km east to west...can one who buys multiple properties say with a straight face that you are buying one property in the north, one in the south, one in the east and one in the west so that you have a vacation home in different parts of the country? Essentially, why would you buy so many properties? This leads me to the simple answer that one property is a primary residence and the rest are investment.

Now, investments can come in many forms. Rental income is also considered investment. When you rent a property out, the amount that you charge goes into your pocket which frees up other cash for other purposes; essentially, this is a gain because you have earned cash that you otherwise would not have. Another view on this investment relates to sale of the property. When you have multiple properties and you start selling the properties at a gain (you will not sell when its at a loss unless necessary - in which case, the legislation has no effect), you essentially earn income from the sale. As such, shouldn't this be considered earned income for the purposes of taxation because you have derived income which you did not have before? We get taxed on income from employers so why should there be an exception to the sale of property?

Apologies for the digression. This leads me back to my issue on who is a speculator. Basically, by common sense, the person who holds more than one property (primary residence) should be deemed a speculator because you are holding the property not for personal consumption but waiting for a good time to sell the property. Please...for those who are saying that eventually you may consider moving into the property, re-think your excuse because the only reason you would sell off your properties is because the market is hot and not because you do not need it anymore!...who are you kidding? As such, isn't the definition of who a speculator is straight forward? Essentially, what the ranting is all about seems to come from the camp who are speculating and now wish to find a way to excuse their actions.

The result of speculation in the property market is rampant right now. As an example, I visited a recent launch of a condo on the first day and was advised that all the units were sold which fit my budget (which by the way, was enough to purchase a 2 bedroom unit there). Also, the most amusing things was the agent was telling me how she bought a 1 bedroom apartment there and it was great for rental income and the price would appreciate. Now wait a minute...isn't this person speculating and affecting what a genuine buyer like myself can afford when I am purchasing a place so that I may settle in Singapore with my wife-to-be? Why should I pay for the gains of a speculator who is out to make a quick buck at my expense? I work hard for my earned income and get taxed, shouldn't the speculator be subject to the same tax or wait a minute...is it because the speculator has more money and therefore can keep more of it? Hmmm....

Alternatively, some may suggest that if I do not have the money, why not buy a HDB? FYI - Property prices for HDB have increased in proportion to the private property market. Again, who has contributed to this situation. Surprise...surprise...speculation! Also, foreigners are ineligible for HDB properties so how can this be an option for foreigners wanting to establish themselves here for the long term (Note: Not all foreigners here have expat packages eh!).

Air, food and shelter are key requirements for people and the rising cost of housing in Singapore is an issue that must be tackled. It is true that people are leaving the country as the cost of living is skyrocketing. Property and space is limited here but the rampant speculation is not helping genuine buyers establish themselves. I am not advocating that the new legislation is correct but I do view the legislation as a step towards equalizing and stabilizing the market by preventing an overabundance of fluctuation in the market, enabling genuine buyers to purchase a decent home at a decent price instead of being subject to the premiums imposed by the speculators.

I am taxed on my income so why shouldn't the speculators/investors be taxed on theirs? This keeps me pondering as to why the big ruckus except that I believe the speculators are now worried that their pockets will be hit. Housing needs to be affordable as it is one of the essentials of life and should not be subject to the whims of an elite who wants to make gains and keep it at the expense of the rest of us...this keeps me thinking....

The Office Power Hungry

When we talk about office politices, we always say that we don’t want to get involved with all of that and that we are just here to keep our head down and do a job.

Right... as if its going to happen this way.. Dream on..

It would be the wrong move to adopt that rigid attitude. There are many annoying people in the world, so you might as well learn how to deal with them. 5 days a week, when there are humans around,there are bound to be personality clashes from time to time at work and it’s not simply enough to bury our head in the gound all of the time.

Most office politics occur with one or more than one person holding 'or being seen as holding' an amount of power within the office. These people blame others for their mistakes or will try to undermine the efforts and abilities of others to make them feel better about themselves, or simply take your credit. Then have you come across those that don't even want to do anything but could effortlessly pretend that they are working hard. Worst, you could be influence by them!

A lot of people who play office politics do so because they are unsure about their own abilities and achievements and try to conceal their own shortcomings and to make others feel they less worthy. Therefore, it’s important to be proud of our own accomplishments and make sure that our efforts are recognised and noted. If most of the staff are aware that we consistently produce good work, this is far more likely to 'curry favour' than those who are less accomplished than we are but who will also try to undermine us whenever possible. Simply view that as their weakness.

Never allow ourselves to get so upset as we will be giving this person a great deal of power over our feelings. Simply view them as another work problem that must be managed.

Always limit our conversations to job-related topics. Also improve our own relationship with the boss by doing outstanding work, share helpful information and be consistently pleasant and cooperative. And never complain about our co-worker or we end up looking like a whiner.

Always bear in mind: Employees and managers who must concentrate on the political aspects of work may have less time to pay attention their jobs. Which lead to financial loss which may lead to job loss.

True Christianity: Religion, Tolerance, and Understanding

It has been a while since I had posted anything on this blog. However, over the past couple of months, I had been thinking of an issue that has been concerning me greatly; the issue of religion and Christianity. You see, I was baptized and am a Christian who was baptized in the Dutch Christian tradition; to be precise, I was baptized in the Reformed Christian tradition. The reason that this issue of Christianity has bothered me is not because of my questioning my own faith but rather, as I see is, a misunderstanding of what the interpretation of being a christian is all about as well as the grief that some people have suffered as a result of Christians' misunderstnding what the religion is all about.

First, let me explain my christian denomination as I do not want anyone to misunderstand my background and faith in the christian tradition. I was baptized in the Reformed Church which is a denomination of the Protestant faith. As a tradition, the beliefs of the church are very traditionally christian and we follow the teachings of John Calvin, a reformer of the Christian faith during the Reformation period in the 1600s. The Reformation basically is the period that the Roman Catholic church and the Protestants separated to form a separate denomination as they were unhappy with what the Catholic church (at that time, the sole Christian church) was doing and the reformers wanted to renew what the Christian faith was about by bringing fundamental beliefs back into the faith and educating the population in the teachings of the Bible as many were not allowed to look or read the Bible at that time. In addition, the reformers were also "cleaning up" the Church as the Church at that time was corrupt (for those who doubt this, you may study the issues by looking at Christian church history or taking a course in Western Civilization). The Reformers, though, were not fundamentally against the Christian faith but rather, they were interested in exposing the population to the true Christian faith; in a way, they were encouraging the general population to think. Other famous reformers included Martin Luther and John Wycliffe. The closest to the Reformed Church is the Presbyterian tradition.

Well, enough about the reformation as this is not about the reformation history. The reason that I am writing this is because I am alarmed by the stance taken by many Christians with regards to non-christians or espousing the christian faith. Even as a christian, I am sometimes surprised by the comments made (including within my Church as there is no reformed church here in Singapore, I attend a Presbyterian church). Below are some of the issues that have caught me by surprise.

1. Tolerance and the use of certain words to describe other religions
2. Beliefs and understanding of the Bible
3. Evangelism
4. What it means to be Christian

With regards to the first point on tolerance. I am surprised at the words that have been used sometimes to describe other religions. For example, I have heard terms such as "spiritual warfare" or similar to describe places that are heavily populated with other non-christian religions; even between Protestants and Catholics, terms have been used to separate the two. I am appalled by this practice as my understanding of the true christian faith is one of tolerance and love, not one of claiming that the other religion is false. I had been troubled by this terminology and had done some research on this issue. The result that I had discovered is that few people understand who read the Bible understand how it works. The Bible is generally divided into the Old Testament and the New Testament. Many readers tend to forget that both christian books have to be read together in order to understand the text; some readers just read the Old Testament and believe that it's God's word on an issue or others just read the New Testament and believe that this is the Word. Sad to say, both books have to be read in conjunction. However, nowhere in the bible does it describe that other religions are wrong or belong to the devil. By using the term "spiritual warfare", few grasp the fact that one is signifying battle with Satan, i.e. a war between good and evil.

Now this is where I am surprised. I cannot find anything in the Bible to mention that other religions belong to the devil. The only references to other religions are from the Old Testament that states that God will lead the Israelites to the promised land but they must beware not to worship other Gods (the Pagan Gods of the inhabitants of the land) as he has made the Israelites his Children and he is a jealous God; nowhere does it say the other religions are bad but rather he had issued a warning to his own people not to stray from him. Over the years, many though have taken this to mean that other religions are bad or believers of other religions are bad...again this is the result of our fallacy as human beings rather than what the Word of God is.

This leads me to my second point. Beliefs and understanding of the Bible. This is a very sensitive topic to christians as many devout christians would like to believe that they understand the Bible. Let me be very clear on this issue....no one truly understands the Bible as it is written in a way that it is open to interpretation. God gave us the Bible as a book on his instructions which he speaks to Christians through but it does not mean that everything is to be read historically. Having read the Bible from front to back and having taken a theology class does not qualify one to be an expert; reason being (for enlightened christians who understand this element) WE ARE HUMAN AND NOT GOD! (Surprise! Surprise!). Also, God gave us free will which allows us to interpret situations differently and this can cause misunderstandings in our interpretation; only GOD knows what the true interpretation of the Bible is. Therefore, as human beings and christians, let's stop playing God!

Well, this then leads up to another question. Some have said that God speaks directly to them and therefore they have a solid understanding of things that God wants them to do including interpreting the Bible (i.e. making them more favored in God's eyes). Also some have used the writings in the Bible, e.g. Genesis, to dispel evolution as a theory. Lets examine this carefully.

To begin with, God speaks to everyone regardless of whether you are a christian or not! Some may ask me how I can make such a statement and it is blasphemy. Hold on before you decide to burn me at the stake...for all devout christians, read the Bible and ye shall find the answer. God created all of the world and everything in it (according to Genesis) in 6 days and rested on the 7th day. God created us humans as well as his children; we fell out of favor through the original sin of Adam and Eve which resulted in us having free will and the "problems" of the world...looking at this then, aren't we all Children of God then regardless of what religion or creed we belong to? As such, shouldn't God have the ability to speak to all of us regardless of whether we are Christians or not? Want more...in Exodus, God instructed Moses to speak to Pharaoh but he mentioned that he shall harden Pharaoh's heart...in this example, did God speak to Pharaoh or just merely pulled a string and Pharaoh hardened his heart? Let's be honest...God speaks to all of us in his own way and this may be verbal or non-verbal and does not require a burning bush. So for those who believe that God speaks to them directly, let's say that God speaks to all of us as he has a plan for all of us.

Another point to take note...Genesis and evolution can go hand in hand. Remember God created the world in 6 days? Take note 6 days in God's time can mean a thousand years in ours...as christians, we always say the words "in God's time" but do we really understand it or is it just a catch phrase? Also, we have no interpretation of what we humans looked like back then but our images and interpretation is based on what we look like now. Therefore, as God is all forms and all shapes, what is to say we did not evolve because God wanted us to?

Evangelism, my 3rd point. This is a point that I see very constantly a misunderstood issue. As a christian, I keep hearing that we must evangelize to expand the kingdom of God. I agree; however, I do not agree with the means that churches use. For a start, God did not ask us to go out and shove christianity down people's throats. Take for example the people who stand at MRT stations, bus depots, shopping centres etc asking people to convert...the means used sometimes are confrontational in that they try to push the Bible down strangers throats by asking if they want to be saved. Another example is the fervor that is shown when a non-christian visits a church, the christians clamor on the person and try to force the newcomer to accept Christ. I would like to point out to everyone that evangelism is not about shoving christianity down someone's throat, it is about showing by example the love and behavior that a true christian should exhibit. Going out and "forcing" a person to accept Christ is akin to the crusades and look where that got us! Again, for fundamental christians, take a look at how Jesus spread the faith; Jesus went out and spoken to people, showed love and patience so that people understood his position. Jesus did not shove christianity down people's throats but instead showed them the truth of the religion which is God loves us. Therefore, should we not also follow the same example if we deem ourselves christians? Jesus did not discriminate in his love, even towards non-christians (read story about the Samaritan woman at the well or the prostitute who was about to be stoned in the New Testament), so why should we? Have we forgotten the fundamentals of our own religion in our fervor?

Lastly, what does christianity really stand for? Does attending Church every Sunday without fail, reading the Bible daily, espousing Bible verses word for word, praying religiously etc make a person more christian than the next? Actually, contrary to any belief, the truth is NO. I would like everyone to note that there are many people who deem themselves christians because they put aside a single day (Sunday) to be "holy" because the Bible prescribes it but the rest of the days, they indulge in other pleasures...look into yourselves and answer truthfully if this is you (don't lie, God knows!). In fact, many of us ARE! Why? Because we are human (re-read the Bible if you do not understand). Christianity is in actuality a faith and a belief in God and not a status symbol. Remember that the first apostles did not have a Church to gather in; Jesus did not have a Church to pray in. Moreover, christianity is about one's relationship with God and speaking to God as you would your own Father; it is not about a fixed process but rather a conversation with God so we have a relationship with him. The New Testament and the cruxifixtion of Jesus gave us this ability. Praying is not a formulated process and we should not read the Bible because we have to. We are christians because we have a true relationship with God and believe in the fundamentals of what he stands for which is to Love all.

I have heard many criticize or distant themselves from people who refuse to accept Christ. Such people criticize others as the devil or worse. Please don't fall into this trap. If your friends want to convert, they will accept in their own time (i.e. in God's time and way); you are not the person who will convert anyone but it is through your own example and through your love that you will convince others of your faith. God asks that You be faithful to Him but does not state that if you convert more people, it makes you holier, please remember this! God loves All his Children which means everyone in existence! As christians, please do not go forth and make comments like I cannot be in a relationship with someone who is a non-christian...this is unbecoming because God provided you with this person to love and treasure and not solely to convert as a project. Please get it right, all christians, we LOVE the person and not because of the person's religion...LOVE the person and don't try to make excuses to convert the person (including dragging the person to Church).

In conclusion, we are all Children of God regardless of what faith we belong to...God created us all (or for the freethinkers, something did put us here which is undeniable). Let's stop creating the barriers and learn to understand one another and LOVE one another as was intended. If we all start looking, we may actually realize as christians that all our faiths and religions are linked with similarities. Christians....let's start behaving like true christians (in the vein of Jesus Christ) instead or behaving like warmongers....Jesus LOVED us all despite us crucifying Him, He died for our blindness and sins, why can't we learn to love like he did without barriers? Ponder this....

To be Respectful

I constantly remind myself who I have become and that what I am doing now, I must always be respectful towards others. The everyday incidences that I encountered on the streets, with friends, families, colleagues and people that we meet for the first time, all command the word "Respect".

Everybody needs a little respect. We know when we have respect and when we don’t. But what is respect really?

It is to treat other people the way we want to be treated.

- Be courteous and polite.

- Listen to what other people have to say.

- Don't insult people, or make fun of them, or call them names.

- Don't bully, pick on others or ignore them

- Don't judge people before we get to know them.

- Treat people the same no matter their race, religion, gender, size, age, or country of origin.

Remember respectful people value others and they help other people value themselves. Perhaps the most important factor to understand about respect is that, it is not given automatically by others but that it must be earned.

Although these ideas will help avoid insensitive and unmeant disrespect, however, alot of people don't even respect themselves to begin with, so how could we possibly expect them to respect us. It is important to remove anyone from our life that doesn't treat us the same.

We are allowed to put someone in their place if we don't like how they speak to us. We do not have to smile and laugh at what someone says if we do not want to. We don't have to say yes and agree with someone if we don't agree with them. We can say no if someone asks to do something we don't want to do. We do not have to be around people who make us feel bad. we do not have to bear and grin at anything. Stand up for what we believe in.

Some take people for granted easily and also because they don't know the importance of respect. They want us to be easily manipulated for their selfish needs.

Stand firm in our beliefs and convictions and just be our self and if we feel disrespected, speak up and say... we deserve respect. Or simply kick that person out of our life.