101 of being a mother-in-law

No, my daughters not getting married. They are still babies. Nah,  not referring to my mother-in-law, she is excellent. Just thought about writing this subject, maybe to remind myself on how to be a mother-in-law In future or after some friends commented about their in-laws, blah blah blah.

1. Take care of yourself and husband. Now that your child and his/her spouse are going to lead their own life, it's time to put focus back on yourself, health and wealth.
2. Your child now have his/her family to take care of and may be busy, but that doesn't mean they are ignoring you, please give them their space.
3. Your child has becomes a father/mother, they have the rights to discipline or teach their own kids. Yes, their own methods may differ from you but please do not interfere unless they are harming their children.  
4. You have accepted your son/daughter-in-law so please do not say unkind words to them or belittle them. Remember that they are now taking care of your son/daughter and even grandchildren. They need to be happy. 
5. Spend some time with your grandchildren too. It make you happy and young again. but again,  please do not discipline them or even cane them without checking with their parents. The grandchildren may get confused, lose respect for you and even avoid you in future.  
6. Yes, your child will always be your baby but he/she has grown up to become parents themselves so do not treat them like a kid infront of their own children.  
7. Please do not scold your son/daughter-in-law especially infront of their kids. If you need to talk to them, do it privately. They have their dignity too.  You are truly not their mother who give birth to them.
8. Be happy that your child is taken care of by his/her spouse,  do not micro-manage what they are doing
9. Provide a listening ear if they come to you for support.  Do not 'chase' them away with your nagging,  scolding and 'did you do this and that' answer. Over time, they will not confide in you and only tell you things that you want to hear.
10. When you want to take family photos and potraits, include your child's spouse, not your child and grandchildren only. It is rude to do that. Remember to include your son/daughter-in-law even from the time they are bf and gf to your child. Especially when they are standing in the same room as everyone else. 
11. When your son/daughter comes to you and talk about an issue regarding your involvement with his/her family,  listen carefully. They may not be comfortable with certain things you do so they are telling you respectfully.  Do not defence or denies so strongly that it turn people off. or that you just want to say, 'because I am your mother, I can interfere with your family', is a big no no. The last thing you want is your son/daughter avoiding you.  
12. Do not fake illness and pain to get your son/daughter attention. One day, it will back fire and when you are truly sick, they will think you are telling lies again.
13. Don't be a possessive mother-in-law.  yes, you used to be the important woman in your children's life but now it's their husband/wife. mothers have to go great lengths to avoid your children choose between you and their spouse. You want your children to be in a happy marriage. 
14. accept that your son/daughter-in-law may not be able to attend all the family gatherings that you call for. They need their space and so do you.
15. Speak good of your son/daughter-in-law infront of friends and family, remember that words go around and can haunt you back.
16. When grandchildren visits you, don't scrutinise their hair, appearance or even their studies. She is the mother after all and will care for her baby more than her life just like you did when you had your children. 

Anyway,  it takes two or more to make peace. We don't have to change what we are not to suit another person. We don't have to stoop low and lose respect of ourselves. Respect, compassion and love go a long way.