Lately, I have been feeling very emotional, my mood was almost like a roller coaster ride. In less than 3 months time, we are leaving France and back to Singapore, our hometown. Our 3 years contract here is finally coming to an end.
I don't know why i feel this way. If it was my first year here, I would very gladly said that I want to go back Singapore. I admit that our first year in France was the toughest. We came without any furniture, the house was empty, Erica is only 7months old and Stacy couldn't stop crying wherever we go. We have problems with our home address, internet, our resident cards, medical insurances, etc.. almost everything have problems. Lol.
In our 2nd year, things only started to get better. We have friends, the children have grown up alittle more, i started driving and i am able to take care of the house and children. We are also starting to understand simple French. And when we are finally enjoying our 3rd year, it's time to say goodbye.
Well, in singapore, I was rather fortunate. Everytime i went out with the children, there will always be my mum, my in-law, helper or friends with me. When i knew that i have to come to France, i have to put a stop to my job and learnt a foreign language. All this were not the biggest problem for me. The hardest was taking care of the kids. With my limited French, 2 crying children, no friends and clueless on where to buy things .. but, all these, seem like a dream to me now. The hardship has passed.
Now, we are experiencing a different crisis - expat identity crisis. I quote from a website "You can only visit your old life a couple of weeks a year and you would feel like you are a visitor in your home that you grew up in. But you also feel the same way and maybe treated like a visitor in the country that you are currently living too. You feel like you don’t belong anywhere."
Now, our problem is going back to our "old life". Its another adjustment for us. My 2 children are so called grew up in France and we are already quite comfortable here Going back is like a question mark to us. Our views on way of life have definitely change.
But my home country will be always be where I belong.
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