101 of being a mother-in-law

No, my daughters not getting married. They are still babies. Nah,  not referring to my mother-in-law, she is excellent. Just thought about writing this subject, maybe to remind myself on how to be a mother-in-law In future or after some friends commented about their in-laws, blah blah blah.

1. Take care of yourself and husband. Now that your child and his/her spouse are going to lead their own life, it's time to put focus back on yourself, health and wealth.
2. Your child now have his/her family to take care of and may be busy, but that doesn't mean they are ignoring you, please give them their space.
3. Your child has becomes a father/mother, they have the rights to discipline or teach their own kids. Yes, their own methods may differ from you but please do not interfere unless they are harming their children.  
4. You have accepted your son/daughter-in-law so please do not say unkind words to them or belittle them. Remember that they are now taking care of your son/daughter and even grandchildren. They need to be happy. 
5. Spend some time with your grandchildren too. It make you happy and young again. but again,  please do not discipline them or even cane them without checking with their parents. The grandchildren may get confused, lose respect for you and even avoid you in future.  
6. Yes, your child will always be your baby but he/she has grown up to become parents themselves so do not treat them like a kid infront of their own children.  
7. Please do not scold your son/daughter-in-law especially infront of their kids. If you need to talk to them, do it privately. They have their dignity too.  You are truly not their mother who give birth to them.
8. Be happy that your child is taken care of by his/her spouse,  do not micro-manage what they are doing
9. Provide a listening ear if they come to you for support.  Do not 'chase' them away with your nagging,  scolding and 'did you do this and that' answer. Over time, they will not confide in you and only tell you things that you want to hear.
10. When you want to take family photos and potraits, include your child's spouse, not your child and grandchildren only. It is rude to do that. Remember to include your son/daughter-in-law even from the time they are bf and gf to your child. Especially when they are standing in the same room as everyone else. 
11. When your son/daughter comes to you and talk about an issue regarding your involvement with his/her family,  listen carefully. They may not be comfortable with certain things you do so they are telling you respectfully.  Do not defence or denies so strongly that it turn people off. or that you just want to say, 'because I am your mother, I can interfere with your family', is a big no no. The last thing you want is your son/daughter avoiding you.  
12. Do not fake illness and pain to get your son/daughter attention. One day, it will back fire and when you are truly sick, they will think you are telling lies again.
13. Don't be a possessive mother-in-law.  yes, you used to be the important woman in your children's life but now it's their husband/wife. mothers have to go great lengths to avoid your children choose between you and their spouse. You want your children to be in a happy marriage. 
14. accept that your son/daughter-in-law may not be able to attend all the family gatherings that you call for. They need their space and so do you.
15. Speak good of your son/daughter-in-law infront of friends and family, remember that words go around and can haunt you back.
16. When grandchildren visits you, don't scrutinise their hair, appearance or even their studies. She is the mother after all and will care for her baby more than her life just like you did when you had your children. 

Anyway,  it takes two or more to make peace. We don't have to change what we are not to suit another person. We don't have to stoop low and lose respect of ourselves. Respect, compassion and love go a long way. 

Not easy being a stay-at-home-mum, get it?

Somebody had made a comment before about being a stay-at-home mum (sahm) - that our jobs are so easy, just put the kids infront of the TV and the day will be gone. Ya right.. How I wish. Ask all the SAHM, they will definitely DISAGREE! Reality is, we have no time to eat, sleep, shit and even a 5min just staring into space. I think I have more time eating properly and getting 'me time' when I was working. I can even afford to go for a jog right after work in the evening. Now, I got to clean the house, prepare meals, 'entertain' the kids at the same time.

Recently, I have also become more active posting photos on Facebook and Instagram of my kids doing arts and crafts, playing, baking, outings and etc. I AM INDEED DOING MY WORK AS A SAHM. I am not trying to proof to anyone but I am very glad that I have the opportunity to be with them especially at this young age. Everything I do, the kids do, are valuable memories. Who knows, after my husband's contract is over, I will be back to working life again.

Just a few months ago, I was deeply upset by a comment made by someone close. she said she has a lot of teaching certificates, and that she is a qualified teacher, so she can teach very well... And that if she were my age, she would have open a childcare centre.  And she went on to comment why Stacy forgot her ABCs...Last time she used to know her alphabets very well. EXCUSE ME, the last time I checked, she knew a little and I started teaching her myself. Stacy knows her Alphabets well, but she was busy with something else when the questions was asked at her. Ok, I just kept quiet as there are people who feel that they are always right. Well, if I am rude and direct, I would tell her that one does not need to be a qualified teacher to teach, especially your own kids. Nobody is perfect, nobody is a perfect parent and we are always learning. AND PLEASE, do not criticize the parents' teaching methods and never stress my children. I will do it myself. Lol.

It is definitely not easy being parents, be it parents working the whole day and then dragging themselves back home to find kids wanting to spend time with them or it could be in my case, whole day and night with the children without a break. But it's worth it right? Seeing the smile on their faces, their every steps they take, their success and failure, they hugs and kisses you....

On Friday, my children did some craft works, not perfect but their efforts

Made snails using paper plates. Inspired by stacy's fav cartoon show, 'Turbo'

Suppose to be chickens but look more like chicks 

homemade gifts for Stacy's teachers

Was busy for the pass 6 weeks as my in-laws came over to France from Singapore to visit us. Brought them around Toulouse, Barcelona and lourdes. I think they enjoyed it or at least I enjoyed myself. Haha.

Today is the last day of school for Stacy before Christmas and to welcome the New Year.  Last year,  during this period of time, I remembered was our first 2 months in a foreign country - we were lonely, cold and homesick. This year we somehow seem to be more prepared, with our Christmas tree and some decoration. And we are going out of town after Christmas! Yippee!

I decided to have Stacy made soaps and cornstarch puppies (yes, its made of corn and we purchased a whole tub of cornstarch building blocks from a toy shop).

 2 puppies made from cornstarch material

beautiful soaps for the teachers

Hope Stacy's teachers like It.

Conversation with Stacy

During lunch today. ..

Me: Stacy, mummy so sick still has to bring you to play at the indoor playground. Thought I told you that mummy needs to rest to be well but you insisted you want to go.  And then mummy also hurt her thumb and still have to cook for you and Erica.

Stacy: (look here, look there)

Me: why you bully your mummy?

Stacy: but you're always bully me... today is my turn.

When your mood are down, buy wall stickers

Recently the kids kept getting sick and then recovered and then sick again. This has been taking a toll on me and Ken. As expats with no help from parents or friends,  both of us couldn't afford to get sick. Going to see a doctor is a dread...with language barrier and having to drive there with 2 sick kiddos, drive us nuts.

So in order to stay sane and positive,  I went to buy a wall stickers - online shopping! My favourite past time.  I chanced upon a lovely sticker on the website and thought this will be perfect for the living room area.

Tada!

I got it from http://www.wall-art.com/en/Wall-Stickers/Inspirational-Words/
Whenever I come down from the stairs or when I come back home and I see these words,  I feel so much better. Totally in love with it!

Hope it give me courage to deal with insanity around me.

My experience driving in Toulouse

Well, after reading the headline, you probably be yawning and thinking, 'so?'. Haha...

I got my driving license 10years ago. It didn't comes easy. I have failed don't know how many times that I couldn't even remember, changed driving instructors and even changing the venues of the learning routes. All these during my polytechnic days, I kept my driving lessons a secret from my parents. I don't know why I did that but I'm glad I did, consider the number of times I failed...

After I gotten my license, I did not have the opportunity to drive a car anymore as buying a car in Singapore is so so very expensive. With my salary, I couldn't afford it. My teenage dream was crushed.

Before I came to Toulouse, I have 3 lessons of driving refresher course.  Not going to help. So when we came to France, I was even more shocked to realize that the cars are mostly manual transmission. I did took manual car license in Singapore but I tell you the narrow road lanes, driving on the left hand side and slopes on most traffic lights junctions were a nightmare for me. Ken was very encouraging, he leased 2 cars (for him to drive to work and the other for me to bring the kids around). For nearly 7 months, I did not even drive the car (ok, once and it was horrible experience for Ken). He thought very hard about it and decided to check out the market for an auto transmission car. We are in luck, my car came from Spain and is semi-auto. honestly, I wonder why they can't just make a full auto car and what is semi-auto? Haha

So here, I am driving the car around speed of 50km/hr. It's the correct speed when I'm driving around neighborhood. At the moment, driving on highways, is a no-no for me. I guess, if I'm alone without the children, I don't feel as scare. I don't want to put them in danger, also their noises, crying and talking sometimes distract my concentration. There will always be a first time but I need to gain confidence first.

Just yesterday, I had an accident, luckily it was not serious but I got a very nasty flat tire. I was on the way to Stacy's school to pick her up, Erica was with me. I was driving along a curvy road near a construction site, suddenly, 'BAM'! The car swayed to the other side of road with oncoming cars coming at me and horning me, causing me to freak out and I steered too near to a kerb and then I stopped the car. I came out to find a flat tire on the front passager side. At that moment, I'm really at a lost. Can I move the car? Who should I call? Erica is with me, who is going to help us? Stacy is still waiting for me at school. This is lunch hour, nobody is around and I couldn't call any mechanic at this time. Maybe I can call a taxi? Oh, well, it's lunch time.

I called Ken to fetch Stacy. A kind passerby came and usher me to move the car to a safer place. I took Erica and walked back home. Luckily, it took me 10mins to walk back. Do you know, unlike Singapore, we have to change the tire ourselves. Singapore is truly blessed to have 24hrs car services throughout the island.

Ken came back with Stacy and went out to change the tire himself . My hero.

Oh yes, my teenage dream? Is to drive a really big family car so that I could drive my parents and siblings around and bring them to place of interests and nice restaurants once in awhile. Ok.... Until the day I have the money to buy that kind of car in Singapore and to drive safely.

my car, came with an adorable model. Haha

Symptoms of hand-foot-mouth disease in France!

Since Saturday, Stacy started to develop rashes on her arms. She was ok in the morning, then we decided to bring the children out for a drive. Stacy came out of the car with rashes or red spots on her arms. We brushed it off, thinking it was just the heat from the weather. When we were having dinner, she felt cold and feverish. We again brushed it off, thinking she was just tired and needed to sleep. Sunday came, no fever but some tiny blisters developed on her sole of her foot. We thought she recovered from fever, she should be fine. Went to school on Monday, more rashes on arms and legs and her blisters on one foot seem worse. I told teacher she was a little cranky as she felt pain on her foot. And silly me, I kept thinking it was her shoes that caused the blisters.

Today, as usual, she went to school. Stacy even told me she was happy to be going to school. Ken and I already thought we should take her to the doctor after her school and see what the doctor say. When I picked her up around noon, I was shocked to see her in a tantrum, crying loudly (I mean, really loud and all other children came out to see the commotion) and even rolling on the carpark ground. Yes, I was embarrassed as so many people were watching us and the teacher kept asking her to be quiet. But at the back of my mind, I had a feeling she could be in pain.

Her appointment with the doctor was at 1.30pm (the receptionist told me on phone in French, of course). Ken came home during his lunch hours so that he could drive us to the doctor's. Reached but was told on phone by doctor this time round that consultation hour was at 3.15pm. Sigh... Maybe my French was that bad and I mistook what the receptionist had said. Ken went back office and I had to drive the kids to the doctor at 3.15pm.

So glad to see the doctor but he could only speak French. I brought a little book of basic French to utter a few words on the conditions of Stacy. Hehe... It was really difficult for me, I broke out in sweat.

Doctor suspected Stacy has hand-foot-mouth disease (hfmd) and said it was contagious but could resume school on Thursday. Wow, that was fast! Do you know in Singapore, hfmd) is a serious thing? Apparently, It got so serious, some schools closed down because a lot of children got infected. Toys and furniture have to be sanitize, children's hands are wash very often during these period of time. Children infected have to be at home, no party, no going out, some serious cases have to be admitted to hospital and even parents got infected by their children. Seriously, i do not know much about this hfmd but I know you will get fever, blisters on tongue, hands and legs. And it is painful, you can't eat and drink.

But in France, I heard from a friend, it's minor, closing down of schools are unheard of. Some people have not even heard of hfmd. Hehe, it make Singapore sounds like a third world country. I blame it on the weather and climate. Singapore is humid (more than 95% humidity) and hot, a breeding ground for germs and viruses.

        Her arms covered with red spots

blisters on her foot

Sores on her tongue

... stacy is still energetic. Drawing her face with a magic pen and said she is an elephant. And went on to draw on Erica's face and said she is a monkey. Lol.

I just hope Stacy recover soon. Now Erica is also feeling feverish.