Dealing with my Anger

Recently, I've seen myself getting angry over things that I don't think it is necessary at all.

The other day, I was playing badminton at a community centre and there was this family who came 10 minutes earlier to their schedule time and they are going to take over the same court that we are using. I wanted to play till the last min before we call it a day. But their standing around and staring at us playing badminton, irritated me and it affected how I played. And suddenly, this mother sneezed loudly into my face when I'm trying to retrieve the shuttercock that I missed to hit. What make me angry is the fact that she never bothered to apologise or say excuse me. Time just left 5 minutes, but their stares make me very difficult to carry on playing. When we started to step out of the court, they went right in to play without asking us whether we are still using it.

At that moment, I said loudly: 'If you wanna sneeze, cover your mouth because its very rude'. She stared at me with that emotionless face, and then I said to my partner: 'they never even asked whether we are done with our game.' I knew that they heard what I said and I continued: 'It's very distracting of them!' With that, we left the place feeling angry and we somehow did not enjoy the game at all.

I have always been in control managing my anger but I totally lose it that day. When I thought back about the incident, I realised it is just a small matter. And now I have to deal with my anger before it got worse.

My Angry Thoughts:

Anger exists in the mind and is a direct result of your thoughts. An event does not make you angry, but your interpretation of the event and how you think and feel can lead to anger. Certain things can be done to make the feelings of anger more controllable and manageable.

1- Admit you are angry. Recognizing that you are angry is the first step in dealing with it. Some people find it difficult to admit they are angry perhaps because they view their feelings as inappropriate or not valid. These people may deny their feelings therefore choosing not to deal with them.

2- Identify the source of the anger. Realizing what is causing you to feel angry is important in dealing with the real problem. Often the real problem can be confused with other issues or other emotions.

3 - Ask yourself why you are feeling angry? Recognizing the reason for your feelings of anger is an important step in dealing with the anger. After analyzing the reasons, you will decide in your mind if the anger is reasonable or justifiable. If you decide the anger is unrealistic you can diffuse the feelings. If you decide the anger is realistic, you can better decide how to deal with your feelings.

Now I need to control my anger:

There are techniques which can help you control your thoughts and in turn control your anger.

- Get rid of intense, angry feelings by letting your imagination diffuse some of the feelings. Allow yourself to imagine strangling the person who has made you feel angry, without actually carrying out the action. Imagery is a safer way for you to vent angry feelings.

- Do not allow the thoughts that are making you angry to continue. Shut down those thoughts by switching your concentration to something you find pleasant and enjoyable.

- People often get angry when their expectations are not met. Modifying your expectations can help you cope with anger. If you can afford more flexibility there is less chance for a situation to lead to anger.

- Being aware of why a person behaves a certain way or why a person is saying something will help promote understanding. Try putting yourself in the other person's shoes and viewing a situation from their perspective.

Overall, my health will be affected:

- blood pressure increases
- breathing and heart rate become more rapid
- muscles become tense

Anger which lasts a long time can physically damage the body. Anger is a form of energy which must be released and it is best to follow steps which help release it constructively. If anger is controlled, it can be wisely used to communicate and negotiate a resolution.