Caning

Recently, there has been a lot of debates among parents whether to use the cane on children who misbehave. The issue also stated that public caning in school will humiliate that student and causes him low self-esteem and low confidence in the future.

I speak on my personal view. Almost everyone when young had been caned by our parents, sometimes even resort to whatever they can get their hands on, eg. belt, hanger, etc.

Today parents do not resort to caning their 'precious' children. Some say that caning is not solving the problem. The more you cane, the more the child loses his fear of it. The wounds will heal but the scar may not go away. Others say if the cane is needed, it should be used only once or twice, and at appropriate parts of the body like the legs, the palms or the bottom. Of course, there can never be a good reason for adults to inflict violence on children.

In school, teachers struggle every day with often outrageous behaviour. However, the best schools and teachers know that the basis of good behaviour must always be mutual respect, constant encouragement and firm rules. For the toughest cases, remedial behaviour programmes need to be installed.

Of course, teachers would not have these problems if parents did their job at home. That is where the seeds of good behaviour are sown.

I was asking one of my friends the other day who has two children. I asked her what will she do if her children misbehave in school and the principal inform her that the school has to publicly cane her children. She told me she will shout back at the principal and said "Its my kids and I will teach them myself. What gives you the right to do so!"

That is the problem with some parents. Someone once said " If you don't teach your kids properly, then somebody else would."

Everyone of us are taught and disciplined differently when we are young. Some got the caning, some got away with scolding. But when would hitting a child cross the line into abuse?

• Any unnecessary physical pain, suffering or injury
• Any emotional injury
• Any injury to his health or development.

Hitting a child once could be enough to scar or hurt a child. And abuse might occur even if there are no signs of physical injury on the child. Parent who hurls vulgarities at a child every other day is abusing the child, mentally and emotionally.

Some parents reward their children for good behaviour and if they misbehave, they talk to them about the consequences of their bad behaviour, and then makes them stand in a quiet corner for a few minutes to reflect on their actions.

End of the day, nothing beats spending quality time with the children. Just this point alone, has make parents regret and blaming themselves for not doing anything earlier. Don't wait until its too late.

Gaining Respect

In the past, respect came with the title. Managers were respected because they were managers. Today, employees have clear expectations of what they want from their leader. And, if they get what they need, they’ll respect you. If they don’t get what they expect, they can make your life as a leader difficult.

Employees respect leaders who give them more information than they need, rather than less. Giving employees only the information you think they need, deprives them of the opportunity to contribute.

Always have the guts to hold everyone accountable. One of the fastest ways to destroy morale and the employee’s will to do more is to allow the slackers to slack. Those managers who allow poor performers to continue in their ways face the impacts, not only from the poor performers, but from those who perform at the highest levels. Who wants to work hard when a colleague slacks off and gets the same or similar rewards?

I remember working with a company whose manager did not know what we do. When asked, they said, "Their job is simple. How hard can that be?" In reality, the manager had never done the job. He had no idea what kinds of complaints the staff heard everyday. He had not experienced an eight-hour shift standing behind a counter. He had not experienced the rush of a brief 30-minute lunch period. He lived in a different world and the staffs did not respect him.

In today’s complex world, we have to recognize that employees have a life outside of work. And, in some cases, this life presents difficult challenges. The manager must keep the goals of work clearly in mind however, he must be flexible enough to help staffs through rough times.

All of us want to be respected. We want people to believe what we say and to trust us.

Colleagues Who Irritate you

Ever come across colleagues like that? When it comes to attitudes towards their work:

• come in late, but leave on time. And they had obviously stopped working about 15-30 minutes prior to leaving.

• Colleague who is too free.

• Colleague who volunteer to help after the work has been done.

• Colleague who don't follow instructions.

• Colleague who insist on taking your accomplishments at work.

• Colleague who gets so close you can smell his breath and invades your personal space.

• Colleague who makes fun of everything you say or do.

• The conversation stops as soon as you enter the room.

• Colleague with the fake laughter and fake talk.

• Colleague who is not tactful, e.g., "What's wrong with your hair today? It looks like bird nest!!"

• Colleague who comes up to you every 5 mins and ask, "Do you think this is correct? Is this how it should be done?"

• Colleague who complain non-stop. And say that the work is too tough and impossible to do.

Dealing with the irritants are unpleasant and people avoid addressing the problems they cause. This will allow the irritants to gain positive reinforcement and attention for their negative behaviour. Do not say 'never', 'every', or 'always'. Irritants will argue the exceptions. "You never co-operate," will not work. Instead say this, "We don't see eye to eye on this. What do you think we could do?" encourage dialogue, negotiation.

Remember to stick to the path. Irritants are expert at manipulation. They change the subject, attack, accuse, excuse, plead, ignore and debate you. Don't let them sidetrack you.

Turn off by Arrogant Attitude

Ever came across people who answer and talk beginning with the word 'So!' or 'So?'? This is one of the characteristic of the arrogant people. The way they look at you, the way they talk could get you on your nerve. Sometimes, they are super sweet because they needed your help. And once they get it, they are back to their old and arrogant way. And mind you, they do have terrible mood swing.

We may want to smack them, criticize them, call them names or talk in disrespectful ways about them. We may want to break their arrogance and tell them how you really think. But sadly, people rarely tell them off or not give any clues about what we think.

The thing is, arrogant people feel inferior and insecure. They are self-conscious and want to be “special”. They cover their flaws by trying to appear perfect so they will not be criticized.

They tend to be defensive and they don’t hear what we say. They respond based on their own pre-conceived notions rather than on the actual situation. They may make statements that seem to be full of confidence even when they are completely wrong. (Very familiar?)

Some people say the way to handle arrogant people is never put them down by criticising them openly, instead, compliment them in a gentle and sincere way. But I think it work both way, nobody should openly criticise or judge anyone in anyway as well.

My Tolerance is Running Low

I encountered a lot of incidents everyday that were really testing my patience and temper. It is whether a not are you mindful of it and are you able to tolerate it.

Take this incident that happen to me in a public transport, person sitting next to me coughed without covering her mouth, (take note: plus bad breathe). Later on, she was searching in her bag for something and her elbow kept poking me. I mean, I really wanted to tell her off but I remained silent and continued reading my book.

Another incident, I held the door for this person, she just walked out of the door without a word of appreciation, not even a smile, not even looking at me. At that point in time, I really feel like letting go of the door and have it slam into her face. But then, I thought, "why so ungracious like her?"

Another incident, I was walking towards by destination, I saw in front of me a lady bumped straight into a man. The man got angry and shouted vulgarities at her. I mean, the lady was unintentional and harmless but why the man had to make a big fuss over it?

It keeps me thinking, I just wonder, when my tolerance level will get "empty"?
Rudeness is everywhere and it can be exhausting for us all. We get angry and worst, we could end up in a fight.

There’s no simple explanation for others’ inconsiderate behavior, and no easy
formula for avoiding the impact. But some people handle rudeness more adeptly
than others.

Inconsiderate, angry and rude people are everywhere. let's just hope that every places we go, we encounter the good ones..