A friend who is overweight told me that he got angry with his good friend for being insensitive. It goes like this: Both of them went shopping and an overweight woman walked past them. When the woman was gone, his good friend burst out laughing and said "oh, she's so fat!" And this friend was thinking, "Hey, I'm fat too, so are you laughing at me?" Till this day, his "good" friend still did not not why they don't go out anymore.
I got this too. Not that people laugh at me that I am fat but that person was insensitive to my nationality. It goes like this: She is going to host a party and she texted her friends using her mobile to remember to RSVP. Few days past and some of her friends did not reply her so she decided to asked them directly. Her friends' answers are like, "still thinking", "not sure whether can make it". She got angry and that day (I happened to be around) and she told her other friends, "(she said the nationality) are so rude, they won't RSVP. Asked them about it and they are still so indecisive. All (she said the nationality again) are this kind of attitude!"
Well, at that time I was the only person that is the nationality that she mentioned. My face went red and I didn't not how to reply. The thing is, I am not one of them, I RSVP ed.
I wanted very much to say, :"Ah.. it depends on what kind of friends you have, right? I don't think my friends will do that to me." But I choose to remain silent.
A lot of the actions or words we exhibit are direct consequences on are how we are raised in - our parents or the general community. If we are taught how to be sensitive towards others' feeling, we grow up practising it.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
Spoilt kids
(Picture from cartoonStock)
I find this picture very relevant to today kids. Well, not all are like that. There are a handful who appreciate having anything they can find on the table or in the fridge, as long as it fill their stomach.
A scary growing numbers of today youth are so spoilt at home, they carry this behaviour with them everywhere they go. With parents bowing to every demand at home, such youth thinks they do not have to follow the same rules outside.
They don't want to take responsibility in what they do, messy, disrespectful and often scolded their domestic helper, make a lot of noise in public, rude and ill-mannered, laugh loudly at people in distressed and never offer to help, etc.. (too many to name all, add if u can)
I was asking my friend the other day. "What if your child behave this way?" I said.
She told me, " this is acceptable as long as they don't do drugs or kill anyone."
Right.... That's the problem.
Kids could no longer distinguished what is right and wrong and will become or do things self-centeredly.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Anger Management
Recently, I have friends who got angry at the tinest, little things that happen around them. I don't know, blame it on the overcrowding here, recession, noisy kids, low tolerance among human....
Well, anger is a completely normal. But it can turns destructive and lead to problems that may affect our everyday activities. And it can make us feel as though we're at the mercy of a powerful emotion.
Human as we are, the natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. And I agree that unexpressed anger can create other problems. A certain amount of anger is necessary to our survival. But we just can't physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us.
Let's face it, we can't get rid of, or avoid, the things or the people that anger you, nor can you change them, but you can learn to control your reactions.
People who are easily angered generally have a low tolerance for frustration and would get particularly infuriated if the situation seems somehow unjust.
These are the 3 tips that could ease ourselves up:
- Timing: If we always end up quarreling or fighting with our love ones, e.g at night, we could try changing the times when we talk about important matters.
- Avoidance: If walking into a messy house/ room makes us furious every time (this happen to me all the time), shut the door. Don't make yourself look at what anger you. Keep calm.
- Finding alternatives: If our daily commute through traffic, whether in train, bus or car, could leaves us in a state of rage and frustration, map out a different route or avoid that timing.
( I have one friend who left his office 5mins from his usual time and he find his route home less crowded). Well, sometimes traffic is hard to gauge..
Another thing: Getting angry is not going to fix anything and it won't make us feel any better.
Well, anger is a completely normal. But it can turns destructive and lead to problems that may affect our everyday activities. And it can make us feel as though we're at the mercy of a powerful emotion.
Human as we are, the natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. And I agree that unexpressed anger can create other problems. A certain amount of anger is necessary to our survival. But we just can't physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us.
Let's face it, we can't get rid of, or avoid, the things or the people that anger you, nor can you change them, but you can learn to control your reactions.
People who are easily angered generally have a low tolerance for frustration and would get particularly infuriated if the situation seems somehow unjust.
These are the 3 tips that could ease ourselves up:
- Timing: If we always end up quarreling or fighting with our love ones, e.g at night, we could try changing the times when we talk about important matters.
- Avoidance: If walking into a messy house/ room makes us furious every time (this happen to me all the time), shut the door. Don't make yourself look at what anger you. Keep calm.
- Finding alternatives: If our daily commute through traffic, whether in train, bus or car, could leaves us in a state of rage and frustration, map out a different route or avoid that timing.
( I have one friend who left his office 5mins from his usual time and he find his route home less crowded). Well, sometimes traffic is hard to gauge..
Another thing: Getting angry is not going to fix anything and it won't make us feel any better.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
The challenge comes
The other day, I blogged on "Pursue what you love'. True enough, the path to be able to do what you want is definitely very challenging.
When we figure out what we love, we seek approval from someone else. The truth is, you will never get final approval from someone else. Even if you get the approval from someone else, their approval will be conditional. Sadly, I have seen people’s dreams rejected by people they thought they could count on for support.
We work at jobs that lead to careers so we can retire, and then, we do what we enjoy. But the reality isn't so. To pursue the work we love, many people decide they must make what they made before. This is not the way to view this.
After encountering the above and you still have not turn your back, what will you expect or do next?
-You have to take action. Do a lot of research, meet and talk to people that are already doing what you want to do.
- Expect loneliness. It’s a lonely road because there are very few people on it.
-The risks and tradeoffs we have to make to pursue our dreams can seem impractical at some stage in our lives. The temptation of simply taking up a job and postpone the next phase of their life for ten years or even forever.
- You feel emptiness. Crisis will hit any person in the course of their life. And they come in different shapes and sizes and it is normal to have one, or even more than one. It can be family, layoff or illnesses. The "pulling through" stage is the hurdle that we have to over come.
A note: The greatest gift you ever give yourself is figuring out what you want and making a plan to pursue it.
If you are on the way to pursue what you love, I’ll be cheering you on as you go.
When we figure out what we love, we seek approval from someone else. The truth is, you will never get final approval from someone else. Even if you get the approval from someone else, their approval will be conditional. Sadly, I have seen people’s dreams rejected by people they thought they could count on for support.
We work at jobs that lead to careers so we can retire, and then, we do what we enjoy. But the reality isn't so. To pursue the work we love, many people decide they must make what they made before. This is not the way to view this.
After encountering the above and you still have not turn your back, what will you expect or do next?
-You have to take action. Do a lot of research, meet and talk to people that are already doing what you want to do.
- Expect loneliness. It’s a lonely road because there are very few people on it.
-The risks and tradeoffs we have to make to pursue our dreams can seem impractical at some stage in our lives. The temptation of simply taking up a job and postpone the next phase of their life for ten years or even forever.
- You feel emptiness. Crisis will hit any person in the course of their life. And they come in different shapes and sizes and it is normal to have one, or even more than one. It can be family, layoff or illnesses. The "pulling through" stage is the hurdle that we have to over come.
A note: The greatest gift you ever give yourself is figuring out what you want and making a plan to pursue it.
If you are on the way to pursue what you love, I’ll be cheering you on as you go.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Squeezing my way out
That does it! I couldn't stand it anymore so i decided to pen it down to cool it off.
This happened in the train almost everyday.
1) People who rush in when the commuters have not stepped out of the train.
2) Pole dancing wannabes. They lean their whole frame onto the pole and no one can grab onto anything in case the train jerks.
3) people in the train either sitting or standing, holding their handphone and pretending to sms, while taking picture of something they see that they don't like, and don't dare to confront, to post in stomp
4)people who clip their nails, dig their nose and flip their hair in your direction.
5)Coughing or sneezing without covering mouth or nose.
6) those who take a long time to get out of the train
7) people who don't shower in the morning and stink up the whole train.
8) play loud music from their handphones/mp3 players or some gadgets to 'share' their fantastic taste in music
9)People who huddle near the door and don't budge when others are trying to get in, then when they get accidentally bumped into and then glare at you.
10) people who put their stuff on the seats next to them.
11) parents who let their kids run around the train.
12) People who cut your queue as you wait near the door when the train is coming to a stop.
13) Those who sit on the floor / talk loudly on the phone and swearing.
14) perpetual stares from 'perverts'
The lists goes on. Add on to the lists if you can.
Tolerance is a must for me.
This happened in the train almost everyday.
1) People who rush in when the commuters have not stepped out of the train.
2) Pole dancing wannabes. They lean their whole frame onto the pole and no one can grab onto anything in case the train jerks.
3) people in the train either sitting or standing, holding their handphone and pretending to sms, while taking picture of something they see that they don't like, and don't dare to confront, to post in stomp
4)people who clip their nails, dig their nose and flip their hair in your direction.
5)Coughing or sneezing without covering mouth or nose.
6) those who take a long time to get out of the train
7) people who don't shower in the morning and stink up the whole train.
8) play loud music from their handphones/mp3 players or some gadgets to 'share' their fantastic taste in music
9)People who huddle near the door and don't budge when others are trying to get in, then when they get accidentally bumped into and then glare at you.
10) people who put their stuff on the seats next to them.
11) parents who let their kids run around the train.
12) People who cut your queue as you wait near the door when the train is coming to a stop.
13) Those who sit on the floor / talk loudly on the phone and swearing.
14) perpetual stares from 'perverts'
The lists goes on. Add on to the lists if you can.
Tolerance is a must for me.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Narrow Mindedness in Education
I have been reading in the papers recently the complaints that have emanated about the fall in ranking globally for the National University of Singapore and about the rankings given to the other local universities. Of course, the fall in rankings for Singapore's premier university caused a huge stir about how accurate the rating system is. This issue got me thinking seriously about this matter of how status in the Singaporean society affects how we look at ourselves and our prospects in life.
As background, I am educated in 4 different countries and have lived in numerous cities around the world and experiencing life in these countries including working amongst the locals. Mind you, I worked as a local in each of these countries and did not have the luxury of an expat package that shielded me from the challenges that the local population in each country faced. However, my most amusing experience still comes from working in Singapore in terms of how the school that you come from affects your prospects in life.
Let me give you an example. I had a friend who recently met up with a local professor who headed a department about entrance into a program. The professor stated that graduates with a Bachelor degree from either NUS or NTU would be given priority as these were known entities. When my friend expressed that she was graduating from an Australian Group of 8 university, the professor's remark was that she would have to check if the credentials of that university were recognized in Singapore. Surprising remark coming from a supposed academic in a Singapore university.
Another experience I had was with a client who remarked that they would only hire university graduates who had undertaken their degree full time in the university (local or overseas) and not through their overseas campus in Singapore. When asked why this was the case, the client's remark was that the standard of the degree from the university's campus was not as good as if the graduate studied full time in that country - something that I find hilarious should these overseas schools hear about it.
Yet another example pertained to my credentials. I undertook my degrees in recognized universities in the US (albeit they were smaller schools) but when I applied for jobs in Singapore, I was asked all kinds of questions because I did not graduate from an Ivy League school; I was even told that had I graduated from an Ivy League school, they would be interested as these credentials were easy to ascertain.
The combination of the three examples got me thinking about the views in Singapore society with regards to education. In addition, I am utterly surprised that the importance that people place on the school that one comes from. Why do I say this?
Let's look at example one (the one involving the university professor). The remark by a university academic (albeit a Head of a Program) is surprising considering that you deem yourself to be someone familiar with the global academic scene. Even though she was a graduate from the Singaporean education system (NUS graduate), I am sure that she is aware that higher education involves schools other than local Singapore universities. The very fact that she was unfamiliar with the credentials of the Group of 8 Australian universities is shocking as the public service commission had recognized these and other Australian universities for years. In addition, such a professor would be the person who is going to assess if an applicant were eligible to apply for a course of study at the school. Based on this theory and remark, shouldn't this university state in their application that "only graduates of Singapore universities need apply because we are ignorant of the credentials of schools around the world"? If they had stated this, I am sure things would be clear but again, schools here cannot discriminate based on ignorance right? With professors like these, I would ask who needs apply anyway because the eligible pool is limited anayway.
In terms of the second example, again, I am appalled by the ignorance of the client. Singapore's government has time and again emphasized one of their desire to make Singapore a regional education hub. The government has continuously encouraged foreign schools to set up programs here in order to increase opportunities for the population to gain higher education. Noble ideals indeed. However, again, there are people out there who discriminate against others because they undertake distance learning. Bear in mind, these programs set up by the foreign universities are quality programs that undergo similar rigor in terms of assessments and course requirements. With this in mind, I am curious how anyone can justify their statements to say that such programs are below the level (as such should be viewed as 2nd class) of comparable onsite programs? Again, I am surprised by the ignorance.
In my last example regarding the schools I had attended. The same ignorance comes through which I feel trickles from the academics in local universities (i.e. the narrow mindedness). For any readers who have been educated overseas, especially in the US, they would learn that the term Ivy League doesn't mean anything. For the information of anyone who is reading this and is not familiar with the US education system, Ivy League actually refers to the sports conference that the particular group of universities belong to and does not refer to their academic prowess. I would challenge anyone to list out the Ivy League schools apart from Harvard and Yale that comprise the schools (BTW, UCLA and UC Berkeley are not Ivy League schools!). Let me place another example of this...what would be your reaction if I were to tell you I received my degree from Brown University in the US? Would anyone take me seriously? Surprise...surprise...no one would but it is an Ivy League school!
The point that I am making is that just because one has never heard of a schoold does not mean that it is not as good as your own school. We have to be cognizant of the fact that different countries have different education systems and setups. For example, schools in the US have strengths in particular courses of study. For example, MIT is strong in technology studies, Harvard in business and law etc. Lesser known schoold like the University of Missouri is strong in broadcast journalism etc. Again, without this understanding, we may assume that a Graphic Design graduate from Harvard is definitely better than all because of the Harvard name; a flaw that I believe needs to be corrected in Singapore.
The key to a bachelor degree should be to teach the candidates of such degrees to think and create a thought process; the fact that one graduates from a particular school does not necessarily make this person a better employee or candidate than another. As we all know, as we progress through life and learn, it is the experience we gain (both work and life) that define us and not the school we graduated from. Also, what's the use of a degree from the best school in the world when you are ignorant about the world and cannot see beyond your own nose because education is a lifetime process involving learning new things, experiencing new things and innovating things; this is the true value of the education and not what school one comes from.
Lastly, Thomas Edison and Albert Einstein did not receive degrees or get their education from notable schools. Based on my above discussion, should we now discount their theories and contributions in Singapore as we are not sure of their backgrounds? This has now gotten me thinking...
A last thought from the Chancellor of my university when I graduated: "Today is your graduation. As you embark on your journey out of this school thinking you know everything with your degree, you will soon find out how little you know". I was angry with him at the time but this statement is ringing through now as I see the ignorance of many who have refused to grow beyond their university days.
I hope everyone gives some thought to this as I feel it is time for change in Singapore and it begins in the schools with the so-called elite academia....
As background, I am educated in 4 different countries and have lived in numerous cities around the world and experiencing life in these countries including working amongst the locals. Mind you, I worked as a local in each of these countries and did not have the luxury of an expat package that shielded me from the challenges that the local population in each country faced. However, my most amusing experience still comes from working in Singapore in terms of how the school that you come from affects your prospects in life.
Let me give you an example. I had a friend who recently met up with a local professor who headed a department about entrance into a program. The professor stated that graduates with a Bachelor degree from either NUS or NTU would be given priority as these were known entities. When my friend expressed that she was graduating from an Australian Group of 8 university, the professor's remark was that she would have to check if the credentials of that university were recognized in Singapore. Surprising remark coming from a supposed academic in a Singapore university.
Another experience I had was with a client who remarked that they would only hire university graduates who had undertaken their degree full time in the university (local or overseas) and not through their overseas campus in Singapore. When asked why this was the case, the client's remark was that the standard of the degree from the university's campus was not as good as if the graduate studied full time in that country - something that I find hilarious should these overseas schools hear about it.
Yet another example pertained to my credentials. I undertook my degrees in recognized universities in the US (albeit they were smaller schools) but when I applied for jobs in Singapore, I was asked all kinds of questions because I did not graduate from an Ivy League school; I was even told that had I graduated from an Ivy League school, they would be interested as these credentials were easy to ascertain.
The combination of the three examples got me thinking about the views in Singapore society with regards to education. In addition, I am utterly surprised that the importance that people place on the school that one comes from. Why do I say this?
Let's look at example one (the one involving the university professor). The remark by a university academic (albeit a Head of a Program) is surprising considering that you deem yourself to be someone familiar with the global academic scene. Even though she was a graduate from the Singaporean education system (NUS graduate), I am sure that she is aware that higher education involves schools other than local Singapore universities. The very fact that she was unfamiliar with the credentials of the Group of 8 Australian universities is shocking as the public service commission had recognized these and other Australian universities for years. In addition, such a professor would be the person who is going to assess if an applicant were eligible to apply for a course of study at the school. Based on this theory and remark, shouldn't this university state in their application that "only graduates of Singapore universities need apply because we are ignorant of the credentials of schools around the world"? If they had stated this, I am sure things would be clear but again, schools here cannot discriminate based on ignorance right? With professors like these, I would ask who needs apply anyway because the eligible pool is limited anayway.
In terms of the second example, again, I am appalled by the ignorance of the client. Singapore's government has time and again emphasized one of their desire to make Singapore a regional education hub. The government has continuously encouraged foreign schools to set up programs here in order to increase opportunities for the population to gain higher education. Noble ideals indeed. However, again, there are people out there who discriminate against others because they undertake distance learning. Bear in mind, these programs set up by the foreign universities are quality programs that undergo similar rigor in terms of assessments and course requirements. With this in mind, I am curious how anyone can justify their statements to say that such programs are below the level (as such should be viewed as 2nd class) of comparable onsite programs? Again, I am surprised by the ignorance.
In my last example regarding the schools I had attended. The same ignorance comes through which I feel trickles from the academics in local universities (i.e. the narrow mindedness). For any readers who have been educated overseas, especially in the US, they would learn that the term Ivy League doesn't mean anything. For the information of anyone who is reading this and is not familiar with the US education system, Ivy League actually refers to the sports conference that the particular group of universities belong to and does not refer to their academic prowess. I would challenge anyone to list out the Ivy League schools apart from Harvard and Yale that comprise the schools (BTW, UCLA and UC Berkeley are not Ivy League schools!). Let me place another example of this...what would be your reaction if I were to tell you I received my degree from Brown University in the US? Would anyone take me seriously? Surprise...surprise...no one would but it is an Ivy League school!
The point that I am making is that just because one has never heard of a schoold does not mean that it is not as good as your own school. We have to be cognizant of the fact that different countries have different education systems and setups. For example, schools in the US have strengths in particular courses of study. For example, MIT is strong in technology studies, Harvard in business and law etc. Lesser known schoold like the University of Missouri is strong in broadcast journalism etc. Again, without this understanding, we may assume that a Graphic Design graduate from Harvard is definitely better than all because of the Harvard name; a flaw that I believe needs to be corrected in Singapore.
The key to a bachelor degree should be to teach the candidates of such degrees to think and create a thought process; the fact that one graduates from a particular school does not necessarily make this person a better employee or candidate than another. As we all know, as we progress through life and learn, it is the experience we gain (both work and life) that define us and not the school we graduated from. Also, what's the use of a degree from the best school in the world when you are ignorant about the world and cannot see beyond your own nose because education is a lifetime process involving learning new things, experiencing new things and innovating things; this is the true value of the education and not what school one comes from.
Lastly, Thomas Edison and Albert Einstein did not receive degrees or get their education from notable schools. Based on my above discussion, should we now discount their theories and contributions in Singapore as we are not sure of their backgrounds? This has now gotten me thinking...
A last thought from the Chancellor of my university when I graduated: "Today is your graduation. As you embark on your journey out of this school thinking you know everything with your degree, you will soon find out how little you know". I was angry with him at the time but this statement is ringing through now as I see the ignorance of many who have refused to grow beyond their university days.
I hope everyone gives some thought to this as I feel it is time for change in Singapore and it begins in the schools with the so-called elite academia....
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
I'm Probably Facing the Wrong Way
Ever experienced a time in your life when everything seems to be going wrong for you? In fact you may even be going through such a time now.
Everyone has days when everything seems to go wrong. They said that we must recognize that days like this happen and not have an unrealistic idea that all days are going to be perfect, productive, smooth-flowing days. This is the key to not getting totally frustrated. It's also good to step back if we can. Don't just push and get externalized if things aren't working out right. Allow the mind to relax and the subsuperconscious to come through.
If everything seems to go wrong... turn around. We're probably facing the wrong way. This universal experience that everyone have in common. It is the feeling of disappointment and discouragement.
During our darkest hours we basically have only two choices. Choose to believe that our destiny is a matter of time, circumstance or luck and what happens to us is merely the result of some kind of fate. If this situation is correct then all our efforts are essentially worthless and our personal struggles in vain. If this situation is correct, then everyone and every action wind-up to the same conclusion. Another is to choose to believe that the planned path are of right choices and values somewhere come out at the right place. The right road eventually leads to the right destination.
Do ask ourself if there is anything that we are doing, or failing to do, that is causing the hardship or perhaps unnecessarily increasing the hardship.
However, no matter how successful we are, we still suffer hardships and setbacks from time to time in our life. If we are confident that we are on the right track then the best strategy is to increase the amount of goal directed action that we are taking.
Everyone has days when everything seems to go wrong. They said that we must recognize that days like this happen and not have an unrealistic idea that all days are going to be perfect, productive, smooth-flowing days. This is the key to not getting totally frustrated. It's also good to step back if we can. Don't just push and get externalized if things aren't working out right. Allow the mind to relax and the subsuperconscious to come through.
If everything seems to go wrong... turn around. We're probably facing the wrong way. This universal experience that everyone have in common. It is the feeling of disappointment and discouragement.
During our darkest hours we basically have only two choices. Choose to believe that our destiny is a matter of time, circumstance or luck and what happens to us is merely the result of some kind of fate. If this situation is correct then all our efforts are essentially worthless and our personal struggles in vain. If this situation is correct, then everyone and every action wind-up to the same conclusion. Another is to choose to believe that the planned path are of right choices and values somewhere come out at the right place. The right road eventually leads to the right destination.
Do ask ourself if there is anything that we are doing, or failing to do, that is causing the hardship or perhaps unnecessarily increasing the hardship.
However, no matter how successful we are, we still suffer hardships and setbacks from time to time in our life. If we are confident that we are on the right track then the best strategy is to increase the amount of goal directed action that we are taking.
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