Multi-taking is bad

In this fast, hectic and stressful society that we are in, we learn to multi-task - which is bad. We're doing our jobs, plus the jobs of one or two gone-but-not-replaced colleagues and doing it all with less support.

How to stay sane when we're insanely busy? We become very good at multitasking. However, multitasking may not be efficient.

“Speed is the modern, natural high,” says psychiatrist Edward Hallowell, MD, director of the Hallowell Center for Cognitive and Emotional Health in Sudbury, Mass. But he insists that true multitasking is a myth. We may feel we’re doing two -- or more -- things at once, but it’s an illusion. Instead, we’re quickly switching our focus back and forth.

That’s because the cerebral cortex can pay attention to only one thing at a time, says Hallowell. “What people really do is shift their attention from one task to the next in rapid succession. That reduces the quality of the work on any one task, because you’re ignoring it for milliseconds at a time.”

In this multitasking world of mobile phone chatting, fast-food-eating during any given rush hour reflects the fact that despite ever-speedier technology designed to provide more "free" time, we never seem to have enough of it.

Some say the need for speed, with lengthy to-do lists, hectic day planners and consistent clock-checking, has become a national obsession.

Four strategies for managing your crazy-busy life:

• Mix and match. Pair high-cortical involvement tasks -- those that involve judgment -- with routine, physical tasks that the cerebellum, the brain’s autopilot, can handle. For example, talk to your mom on the phone while folding laundry.
  
• Rest your case. If your hectic schedule demands you rise at the crack of dawn, steal an hour from the TV at night. A sleepy brain can’t focus.
  
• Wean from screens. Resist email, the Internet, texting -- anything that’s not essential to the work you’re doing right now.
  
• Ban boredom. Try to do what you love and what matters most. Organize your life around this principle, and you won’t be tempted away from the task at hand.

But if we do need to multi-task:

• One size does not fit all. Handles almost every incoming email in real time; checks email just twice a day. When it comes to multitasking, no single solution works for everyone. Pick the tactic that's best for you.
  
• Paper piles only grow. When you get a paper report or memo, deal with it, then file it or hand it off. Piles of paper make for more work.
  
• Heading to a meeting? Go unplugged. When you meet with someone, you're using a nonrenewable resource: your time. Don't let cell-phone or pager interruptions waste it.
  
• The next killer business app? Instant messaging. IM is faster than email and just as inclusive. Its beauty lies in its simplicity.
  
• Delegate: It's the ultimate time-saver. Investing in frequent communications with your staff -- lunch meetings, daily emails -- yields big dividends. Your staff members can't lighten your load if they're out of the loop.


• Working in hard-to-reach territories? Voice-mail it, rather than sending SMS. Voice mail is more dependable than email and SMS.

I think it's up to the individual. If we have to deliberately choose to do less, even though the expectations are to do more. We need to do more of the things that matter most.

When he lied

My boyfriend of nearly 2 years has been contacting his ex-girlfriend on regular basis during our relationship. He has told me in the past he had sent her text messages saying he miss her. He lied to me in the past when I asked him if he had talked or meet up with her. Now I am carrying this pain around that I did not create. I am trying really hard to forgive him but it keeps coming up in my mind that he lied and has made me feel like a fool, sometimes I feel so badly that I can't be near him. I want to get past this but I need to hear from him why this happened and why I should believe that it won't happen again? He has apologised and reassurance me that he will not do it anymore but I know that he still contact her. I just want him to tell me the truth even if it hurts, at least I'll know and I can make my decision. He has denied it when I asked him about it and I see it through his eyes - he lied again.

So your boyfriend "thinks" he's over his ex-girlfriend yet you're not quite convinced, especially with the accumulating evidence that you keep finding. It starts with the random pictures hidden in the computer and even some of her clothes hidden in the back of his drawer. It's one thing to keep memorabilia stashed away in a box up in your closet and under your bed. It's another thing to have it lying around your apartment where it's visible for your current girlfriend to see. To make matters worse, he is still contacting "the ex". What’s even weirder is that all he does is talk about how much he hates talking to her. It doesn’t make sense.

It’s easy to pull the "we're just good friends" card. Surely, there's still a spark that burns between them but they broke up for a good reason.

So why is she still hanging around like yesterday's garbage? Bitter. Maybe. On the one hand, it is smugly letting you know that they have a history together. Meanwhile, there he is in the middle, getting his ego massaged on both sides. I would argue understandably that his behavior might be some cause for concern. Who wouldn’t feel slightly awkward if their significant other talked to their ex regularly? Most guys cut friendships with their exes down to a casual acquaintance or to none at all. They may catch up from time to time and keep in touch.

They do not, however, spend most of their time away from their girlfriend with their ex. In his situation he dumped her because it wasn't working out between them. For all we know it could have been due to an excruciating long distance relationship, bad living situations, etc. It's not because he stopped loving her.

Let's face it. Women have enough insecurities of their own without having to compete with the ex girlfriend. No one wants to seem like the jealous, possessive type. Though some of us can hide it better than others. It's difficult to be the mature girlfriend and pretend that everything is peachy keen when your boyfriend wants to keep in touch with his ex. Remember, though they may appear close, she is his ex-girlfriend for a reason. Something went wrong. Yes, she has everything you don't except for one thing, the man in question.

I would say it is normal for people to have feelings for more than one person at a time. And people often have feelings for an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend (ex-husband/wife). Even after breaking-up - people share memories, jokes, intimacy, and they often enjoy talking to each other. On the other hand, most people feel threatened or jealous when romantic partners still have feelings for or a strong connection to their ex.

The trick is learning how to deal with these feelings without making things worse. Typically, people react to jealousy in ways that cause more problems - they ask a lot of questions, try to control their partner's behavior, try to make their partners feel bad and punish them for the contact they have had. All of these things create distance within a relationship and lead to more deception. Ironically, people often make their worse nightmare come true: Partners may start to feel even more close to their ex - because they can talk to their ex without getting in trouble.

Like most relationship problems, the best way to handle jealousy is to express how you are feeling without trying to control a partner's behavior or make him or her feel bad. This is difficult to do, but if done right it can lead to greater intimacy, understanding, and trust.

Leadership - Seeing things from the big picture

I see this all the time at work - employees lacking of decision-making tendencies. That is why we have the leader and the followers.

That is, in leadership, is to have the courage to make the tough, unpopular, legal, moral and ethical decisions in our job.

A leader when faced with difficult, life-altering decisions, sometimes for better and sometimes for worse. No matter what the outcome, one thing has remained constant: The decision is ours, and we alone was responsible for the consequences, good and bad.

A successful leader should have the ability to see things from a broader perspective and a kind of acceptance that everything does not always go as planned.

In today’s world, it is particularly important for leaders to be involved in all matters. Skill and information is no longer enough; nowadays we have to be able to endure the constant unpredictability of several things. The tolerance for change and ability to work efficiently in constant change is definitely a characteristic of a good leader.

Leaders must be able to constantly prioritize and decide which actions will not be taken at all.

We must be able to see both the details and the big picture at the same time. We should focus on the big picture and we should also keep in mind that people’s work is in the details. We should be able to see the details so that we can appreciate, for example, the work of our subordinates. We have to be able to simultaneously see the future and the here and now.

However to add on, we can’t just live with the future in mind, but nor can we just live in the moment. We simultaneously have to develop, place boundaries on some action, increase one thing and maybe decrease something else. Issues rarely present themselves in such a way that we decide to make one choice over another.

A flexible leader will succeed better if he or she remains unfazed that a day or even an entire year turns out differently than what was originally planned. And this, leads to trust in one’s subordinates.

In order to be able to detect signals and be on top of the latest developments, a leader might not have the possibility to do things with the same intensity as before. Delegating is about trust and sends a strong message that the leader has faith in the skills of his or her staff.

Environment plays an important part as well. It is not enough for the leader’s mindset to be flexible. The whole organization has to be flexible, too. Flexibility, however, does not mean having no direction. We can have direction even while things are changing.

And a willingness to accept mistakes in this culture of flexibility. There must be continuous opportunities for development and to gain strength to develop competence and own keys to success.

A leader is rarely an expert in one particular field anymore. Nowadays it’s about being a leadership expert. Leadership is expert knowledge and skills can be transferred from one sector to another.

We must always be willing to learn new things, to develop and to think with an open mind and to accept that no one is right or wrong. Good conversations allow seeing the perspectives of different sides.

It is important to allow valuable discussion in order to come up with ideas. As they say, general education is an attitude. It includes understanding the complexities of life and the ability to humbly approach different situations without being above any situation.

Interest and curiosity for life make a person grow.

F1 in Singapore 2008 - MediaCorp TV's Channel 5 offer live telecast

On September 26 - 28, Singapore will be the host and also be Asia's first F1 street race to the 15th of the 18-leg race calendar. It will be set the first ever night race Singapore’s street circuit of public roads in Marina Bay.

(Picture from http://sg.88db.com/sg)

(Picture from http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/)

The night event means it can be broadcast at a convenient time for European TV audiences. The track will be illuminated by projectors to match the shape of the course.
Singapore Telecommunications (SingTel) will sponsor the event and the official name of the event will be F1 SingTel Singapore Grand Prix.
There will be around 110,000 tickets made available for the country's first Formula One race.

Program on that day:

Friday 26th September, 2008.
13.00: Gates open for all ticket holders
14.00: Formula One Paddock Club™, Sky and Club Suite Opens
15.00 – 15.25: Formula BMW Pacific Practice Session
15.50 – 16.20: Aston Martin Asia Cup Practice Session
16.40 – 17.25: Porsche Carrera Cup Asia Practice Session
17.50 – 18.15: Formula BMW Pacific Qualifying Session
19.00 – 20.30: Formula One First Practice Session
21.30 – 23.00: Formula One Second Practice Session
Midnight: Formula One Paddock Club™ , Sky and Club Suite Closes

Saturday 27th September, 2008.
13.00: Gates open
14.00: Formula One Paddock Club™, Sky and Club Suite Opens
15.00 – 15.30: Charity Challenge (Fiat 500)
15.50 – 16.20: Aston Martin Asia Cup Qualifying Session
16.50 – 17.15: Formula BMW Pacific Race One (10 Laps)
17.45 – 18.15: Porsche Carrera Cup Asia Qualifying Session
19.00 – 20.00: Formula One Third Practice Session
20.30 - 21.00: Charity Challenge (Fiat 500)
22.00 – 23.00: Formula One Qualifying Session
Midnight: Formula One Paddock Club™, Sky and Club Suite Closes

Sunday 28th September, 2008.
13.00: Gates open for all ticket holders
14.00: Formula One Paddock Club™, Sky and Club Suite Opens
15.30 – 16.00: Aston Martin Asia Cup Race (10 Laps)
16.30 – 17.00: Formula BMW Pacific Race Two (10 Laps)
17.30 – 18.05: Porsche Carrera Cup Asia Race (12 Laps)
18.30: Formula One Drivers Parade
18.45 – 19.15: Starting Grid presentation
19.46: Singapore National Anthem
20.00: 2008 Formula 1™ SingTel Singapore Grand Prix (61 Laps)
Midnight: Formula One Paddock Club™ , Sky and Club Suite Closes

(Sources from http://www.singaporegp.sg)

The Cheating Heart

My friend was saying to me the other day, "If my boyfriend cheated on me, I would kick him real hard. Cos' that is a big betrayal, which I don't think I could forgive him."

I think all women have said that before but the reality is that if he has cheated on you alright, you are upset, hurt and feel betrayed but you still love him despite yourself. So what happened to you and how come you haven’t kicked him real hard yet? Maybe you did, but how come you are going back and forth about “forgiving” him? How come you still love him just as much as before he cheated?

The first questions most women ask after discovering that their men have cheated. Why did you do this? Who is she? How many times? Where was I? Did you talk about me?. On the surface level it seems that the main and most hurtful thing is the lying and secrecy. But on a deeper down level the questions a person who has been cheated on will like to know: “Wasn’t I good enough?” Am I really that disposable? Did I really not mean that much to you at all? Is she prettier, sexier or better than me?

When somebody cheats on you, they not only hurt your feelings and emotions, they actually “take away” something from you. It’s not just a betrayal of your trust/relationship but a betrayal of how you see yourself as a woman and as a person.

Actually the more details he gives the more inadequate, unworthy and confused you feel. You think maybe if I was this or that he’d not have gone outside of the relationship.

Cheating is a personal choice he makes knowing full well what the risks and consequences are. The choice to cheat came from somewhere inside of him.

But you still love him. Where does that leave you? You’re the one who has the big decision to make. Do you stay with him or do you kick him out? Do you forgive him or do you make him pay?

What you decide to do should be your choice. Just as he made a conscious choice to cheat, it’s your choice to stay or leave. Others may give their advice but the choice ought to come from you.

Cheating is so much more and it affects us much more deeply.

If you genuinely love someone, your genuine feelings of love don’t just disappear. When you open yourself to truly love someone, it’s not just them you are in love with. You are also in love with the aspects of yourself that they mirror back to you. When that mirror is shattered or broken you can not see yourself clearly anymore.

If you decide to forgive him and stay in the relationship without taking time to mend your heart, you are simply looking at yourself in that broken mirror. You find that you mistrust your own intuition and you continue to doubt your own self-worth.

If you decide to leave and find yourself someone else without taking time to mend you broken heart, often times you will not trust what you see in your new man.

Once you’ve done with mending your broken heart, you may decide that you want to make the relationship work. That is - a clear and whole sense of yourself. You may also decide you can't live with him but you don't ever have to stop loving him.

The attracting of true love - and a new loving man.

Teenage and their use of Foul Language

Few days ago, I came across 2 groups of teenagers (on separate occasions), one group was at a shopping mall and the other group was at a park. So what's wrong with them? Their voices were loud and the excessive, shocking use of foul/ vulgar language. They were not scolding anyone, they are just engaging in their normal conversations. But it do catch the attention of passer-by, if that is their intention..

Language is a gaining new ground for teenage. Where conversations with swear words are all the rage, especially in schools, pubs, discos, movies and all those places teens frequent. It’s maybe labelled as the most ‘hip’ fashion statement followed by teenagers today. While most elders are absolutely disgusted with this, teenagers, on the other hand, think it’s simply cool.

Why is it happening?

SWEAR TO FIT ‘IN’? Often, teenagers resort to foul/ vulgar language to seek attention. It is also done because they find it difficult asserting themselves, and also that they cannot tackle issues tactfully.

Therefore, aggression overpowers their senses and they resort to foul/vulgar language out of frustration or bottled up stress. Most teenagers today are in rebellious mode and very keen on experimenting with something new — it could also be the reason behind them falling prey to this new fad.

They want to ‘fit in.

However, teenagers who used foul/vulgar language, did not do it intentionally to hurt anyone. It was done without any bad feeling. It was basically a very done thing in school. Everyone thought it was cool and so they followed them blindly.

All that peer pressure and influence are definitely the main reasons behind this. Mostly their age is between 15 and 18. After that a person tends to get a little more conscious of the language he/ she is using. Of course, sometimes this kind of behaviour carries on for a longer period of time.

How can one control and prevent teenagers from using foul/ abusive language?
- Start from home. Use good language at home, and be clear about how you feel about inappropriate language
- Set rules at home that the teenager is required to observe in school as well. They must avoid the use of vulgar language at any cost. A firm stare or sharp reminder should be enough
- Teach a new vocabulary, substitute harmless words (eg. 'shit’ with ‘shiv’).
- Learn how to react. Giving them the satisfaction of doing that will only encourage them.
- It always helps, if in a group with their friends, sit them down and ask them why they use this language and let them come up with solutions. They will feel they have support to pitch in their point of view.

For teens:
- Make an effort not to use abusive language even while joking around.
- Follow your mind, and avoid getting influenced. You are your best judge.
- In case you blurt out foul language in frustration, make it a point to apologize.

Keep Roving Eyes under control

I was amused after reading this article on "keeping those roving eyes under control".

"As hard as it is for most women to understand, men are wired to notice other women even if they think their wife is the prettiest girl in the room.
Some doctors blame a biochemical reaction in the brain. Many men will tell you it's just a habit.
The reality is men are visual beings and attractive women trigger a powerful emotional response. It is not a sign of emotional or physical unfaithfulness.
But guys, don't think that lets us off the hook!
You and I still have a responsibility to keep our emotions in check and roving eyes under control.
Simple glances can easily turn into a habit of staring, and it can also lead to lust.
On our wedding day we made a commitment to only have eyes for one women, and that's a promise we should keep. " - quoted by Dr Bill Maier.

I said women do look, too but perhaps women are just more discreet oglers. Or men are less inclined to notice our visual infidelity. Perhaps this has to do with males’ perception of being more attractive than they really are. Contrarily, women are more likely to underestimate their physical attractiveness than men.

And can actually avoid a lot of fights by not oogling every woman within eyesight. Yes, men are visual creatures; but you can glance without being so obvious. Of course, men really don’t only have eyes for her, but at least behaving will be much appreciated as women are very sensitive about their looks.

Rightly or wrongly, society judges us much more than men based upon our attractiveness. When men are constantly staring down other women, no matter how secure your girl may be, it bothers her deep inside. When your lust is stirred for another woman, especially a flesh and blood one in the real world, this is perceived by your girl as a threat to the relationship.

Also, because women often compete with each other based upon on their looks, you’re subtly signaling to the other woman that your girl is a loser. Are these the signals you’re intending to send? Do you enjoy fighting with your significant other about women you don’t even know and in fact, were simply admiring?

Ladies, that behavior can be changed by your man if, you are honest with him about your feelings and, he cares enough to change. If it persists, it will only manifest over time. You deserve better.

The boat ride at Singapore River

Used to sit in that boat in my younger days.. Took it again recently but it has become an expensive ride

This was taken about 4-5pm. The boat is for tourists to 'sightsee' but we took it as well. Hmm.. nice.

Saw these figures on the wall. You thought its real if you see it at night.

Medical Error

I wrote this because a friend's grandmother passed away suddenly in a hospital many years ago and the family members suspected that it was due to medical staffs' error. Accidents like this is still happening.

Thousands of people die each year from medical errors, according to a report. When a mistake is made today, the result is that those close to the error know of the mistake, but the event is kept secret.

Left hidden, common medical mistakes — such as administering a drug incorrectly — are rarely identified quickly and studied for ways to make the health care system safer.

Today, hospitals must now tell patients and their families when they have been hurt by a medical error. Medical errors happen when something that was planned as a part of medical care doesn't work out, or when the wrong plan was used in the first place. Medical errors can occur anywhere in the health care system.

Most errors result from problems created by today's complex health care system. But errors also happen when doctors and their patients have problems communicating. For example, doctors often do not do enough to help their patients make informed decisions. Uninvolved and uninformed patients are less likely to accept the doctor's choice of treatment and less likely to do what they need to do to make the treatment work.

What you can do:

- Take part in every decision about your health care

- Make sure that all of your doctors know about everything you are taking. This includes prescription and over-the-counter medicines, and dietary supplements such as vitamins and herbs.

- Make sure your doctor knows about any allergies and adverse reactions you have had to medicines.

- When your doctor writes you a prescription, make sure you can read it.

- If you have any questions about the directions on your medicine labels, ask.

- Ask about the side effects your medicine could cause.

- If you are having surgery, make sure that you, your doctor, and your surgeon all agree and are clear on exactly what will be done.

- Speak up if you have questions or concerns.

- Make sure that someone, such as your personal doctor, is in charge of your care.

- Ask a family member or friend to be there with you and to be your advocate (someone who can help get things done and speak up for you if you can't).

- Know that "more" is not always better.

- If you have a test, don't assume that no news is good news.

- Learn about your condition and treatments by asking your doctor and nurse and by using other reliable sources.

(Tips extracted from womenshealth website)

Recognising single mother and child as a family unit

A single mother wrote in the papers recently and asked why unmarried mothers cannot have the same benefits and privileges that go to married mums. These include tax breaks and other financial incentives like the baby bonus.

To some expectant mothers they cried with joys of pregnancy, but some spends sleepless nights wondering where they will live once the baby is born.

This is the story of this women who are unmarried and their long road ahead as single mum.

One of the women had her boyfriend threw her out when she refused to have an abortion. He had proposed to her last year and she abandoned the PhD programme she was pursuing overseas. She lost her well-paying contract job as a human resource specialist at a multinational company. She says she was fired for not telling them she was pregnant when she was hired the previous month.

I thought: Single mothers, including unmarried ones, face double the burden with half the resources needed. Their sons will do national service and their daughters will bear and nurture future generations, right? So why the differences?

The writer who wrote the news article just want a little help from the government.

Unwed mothers are not entitled to baby bonus or tax relief if they work. Those under 35 cannot buy Housing Board flats unless they go through a process of seeking special permission. They are entitled to buy flats if they team up with parents or siblings - a mother and child are not considered a family unit.

To the writer, she and the child are a family.

They may have made a mistake, but they are taking responsibility for their actions by being in the role of both a father and mother. So why discriminated against for having and raising a child in a country that needs kids so much?

The mothers do need financial incentives more than those in complete family units.

For many of them, the fathers refused to bear responsibility. Some of these women are victims themselves, being abandoned by partners they trusted. If unwed mothers are not given the same benefits as married ones, this will affect the child.

Home ownership rules could be made more flexible, at least by recognising a mother and child as a family unit.

One MP said, 'The family unit with a father, mother and child is the fabric with which we weave our community.' 'That should not be compromised.' ( Of cos' the mothers want that complete family unit as well)

Not surprised that there are more unwed mums, he said 'Being better educated and financially independent gives them the choice to raise babies single-handedly.'

But he felt that having made alternative lifestyle choices, they should not then ask the Government to bend rules to accommodate them.

'No baby will be deprived of milk powder or a roof over his head,' said the MP. 'If a single mother is really in need, of course, we will make exceptions'.

But the exception cannot become the rule.

His parliamentary colleague, shares similar views. 'Government policies are made on a macro level - they set the tone for society,' she said.

(I find this amusing) If the mother gave the baby up for adoption, he would become someone else's 'legitimate' child. So to the single or unwed mothers, if they had their babies, loves them and wants to raise them, their babies will always be illegitimate in the eyes of the state.

Or is it better to chuck the baby at the door of a community centre, then their separate lives would probably be better off than for the mother to take up her moral responsibility, and be shunned.

It seems that being responsible is worse off than being irresponsible.

Granted that allowing some leeway with the public-housing policy may open up possibilities not intended at its inception, but, surely, there should be a small scheme to help such mothers?

Not so much to condone what they had done, but to stop the cycle of punishment and blame and to give the child the best chance to grow up happy, like every other child.

If you think you are unhappy...

(These was forward to my email.. voted the best email of this year.) -Extracted only a few

If you think your salary is low.. If you think you don't have many friends...When you feel like giving up.. If you think you suffer in life... you complain about your transport system... If your society is unfair to you... Enjoy life how it is and as it comes.. Things are worse for others and is a lot better for us. There are many things in your life that will catch your eye but only a few will catch your heart....pursue those...

I cried...

A time to relax - At Port Dickson

Took a 3D/2N stay at Port Dickson with boyfriend. Its a wonderful place to unwind from the city and definitely away from work. This room overseeing the Straits of Melaka.

Beautiful beach and its not crowded.

Sunset.. definitely Romantic...