When he lied

My boyfriend of nearly 2 years has been contacting his ex-girlfriend on regular basis during our relationship. He has told me in the past he had sent her text messages saying he miss her. He lied to me in the past when I asked him if he had talked or meet up with her. Now I am carrying this pain around that I did not create. I am trying really hard to forgive him but it keeps coming up in my mind that he lied and has made me feel like a fool, sometimes I feel so badly that I can't be near him. I want to get past this but I need to hear from him why this happened and why I should believe that it won't happen again? He has apologised and reassurance me that he will not do it anymore but I know that he still contact her. I just want him to tell me the truth even if it hurts, at least I'll know and I can make my decision. He has denied it when I asked him about it and I see it through his eyes - he lied again.

So your boyfriend "thinks" he's over his ex-girlfriend yet you're not quite convinced, especially with the accumulating evidence that you keep finding. It starts with the random pictures hidden in the computer and even some of her clothes hidden in the back of his drawer. It's one thing to keep memorabilia stashed away in a box up in your closet and under your bed. It's another thing to have it lying around your apartment where it's visible for your current girlfriend to see. To make matters worse, he is still contacting "the ex". What’s even weirder is that all he does is talk about how much he hates talking to her. It doesn’t make sense.

It’s easy to pull the "we're just good friends" card. Surely, there's still a spark that burns between them but they broke up for a good reason.

So why is she still hanging around like yesterday's garbage? Bitter. Maybe. On the one hand, it is smugly letting you know that they have a history together. Meanwhile, there he is in the middle, getting his ego massaged on both sides. I would argue understandably that his behavior might be some cause for concern. Who wouldn’t feel slightly awkward if their significant other talked to their ex regularly? Most guys cut friendships with their exes down to a casual acquaintance or to none at all. They may catch up from time to time and keep in touch.

They do not, however, spend most of their time away from their girlfriend with their ex. In his situation he dumped her because it wasn't working out between them. For all we know it could have been due to an excruciating long distance relationship, bad living situations, etc. It's not because he stopped loving her.

Let's face it. Women have enough insecurities of their own without having to compete with the ex girlfriend. No one wants to seem like the jealous, possessive type. Though some of us can hide it better than others. It's difficult to be the mature girlfriend and pretend that everything is peachy keen when your boyfriend wants to keep in touch with his ex. Remember, though they may appear close, she is his ex-girlfriend for a reason. Something went wrong. Yes, she has everything you don't except for one thing, the man in question.

I would say it is normal for people to have feelings for more than one person at a time. And people often have feelings for an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend (ex-husband/wife). Even after breaking-up - people share memories, jokes, intimacy, and they often enjoy talking to each other. On the other hand, most people feel threatened or jealous when romantic partners still have feelings for or a strong connection to their ex.

The trick is learning how to deal with these feelings without making things worse. Typically, people react to jealousy in ways that cause more problems - they ask a lot of questions, try to control their partner's behavior, try to make their partners feel bad and punish them for the contact they have had. All of these things create distance within a relationship and lead to more deception. Ironically, people often make their worse nightmare come true: Partners may start to feel even more close to their ex - because they can talk to their ex without getting in trouble.

Like most relationship problems, the best way to handle jealousy is to express how you are feeling without trying to control a partner's behavior or make him or her feel bad. This is difficult to do, but if done right it can lead to greater intimacy, understanding, and trust.