My friend was saying to me the other day, "If my boyfriend cheated on me, I would kick him real hard. Cos' that is a big betrayal, which I don't think I could forgive him."
I think all women have said that before but the reality is that if he has cheated on you alright, you are upset, hurt and feel betrayed but you still love him despite yourself. So what happened to you and how come you haven’t kicked him real hard yet? Maybe you did, but how come you are going back and forth about “forgiving” him? How come you still love him just as much as before he cheated?
The first questions most women ask after discovering that their men have cheated. Why did you do this? Who is she? How many times? Where was I? Did you talk about me?. On the surface level it seems that the main and most hurtful thing is the lying and secrecy. But on a deeper down level the questions a person who has been cheated on will like to know: “Wasn’t I good enough?” Am I really that disposable? Did I really not mean that much to you at all? Is she prettier, sexier or better than me?
When somebody cheats on you, they not only hurt your feelings and emotions, they actually “take away” something from you. It’s not just a betrayal of your trust/relationship but a betrayal of how you see yourself as a woman and as a person.
Actually the more details he gives the more inadequate, unworthy and confused you feel. You think maybe if I was this or that he’d not have gone outside of the relationship.
Cheating is a personal choice he makes knowing full well what the risks and consequences are. The choice to cheat came from somewhere inside of him.
But you still love him. Where does that leave you? You’re the one who has the big decision to make. Do you stay with him or do you kick him out? Do you forgive him or do you make him pay?
What you decide to do should be your choice. Just as he made a conscious choice to cheat, it’s your choice to stay or leave. Others may give their advice but the choice ought to come from you.
Cheating is so much more and it affects us much more deeply.
If you genuinely love someone, your genuine feelings of love don’t just disappear. When you open yourself to truly love someone, it’s not just them you are in love with. You are also in love with the aspects of yourself that they mirror back to you. When that mirror is shattered or broken you can not see yourself clearly anymore.
If you decide to forgive him and stay in the relationship without taking time to mend your heart, you are simply looking at yourself in that broken mirror. You find that you mistrust your own intuition and you continue to doubt your own self-worth.
If you decide to leave and find yourself someone else without taking time to mend you broken heart, often times you will not trust what you see in your new man.
Once you’ve done with mending your broken heart, you may decide that you want to make the relationship work. That is - a clear and whole sense of yourself. You may also decide you can't live with him but you don't ever have to stop loving him.
The attracting of true love - and a new loving man.
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